You expect the Koolaid Man to be at all major events.If you could, you'd eat Back Alley Bakery for lunch every day.Even though you know that bread is bad for ducks, you still want to feed them at Heartwell Park.You think the water in Fisher Fountain is Koolaid.You still mourn the passing of Andy the Goose to this day.You still remember when the Hastings Museum was called the "House of Yesterday."It wouldn't be Fourth of July without your favorite cover band, The Rumbles.You still haven't recovered from your loss at the rubber duck races at Koolaid DaysYou ordered a Sexual Chocolate everyday after school in 8th grade.You know everyone that works at Art Bar.You have ranked all three Runzas according to their tastiness.The Goldenrod is your favorite place for breakfast.You, your parents, and everyone you know graduated from Hastings College.Your first date was on Duck Island in Heartwell Park.You've had at least one sledding injury at Brickyard Park.You hate St. Cecilia'sYou see every single one of your classmates at Reno.You still miss the OK Cafe.You went to every Tweens Night at the YWCA.The highlight of downtown is when Santa and the Koolaid Man turn on all the Christmas lights.You own at least one Koolaid Days cup.You own at least two Koolaid Days cups.You own three or more Koolaid Days Cups.You took Homecoming/Prom pictures at the train station or the Kensington.You hate when people compare Hastings to Kearney or Grand Island.You loiter at Prairie Books and Gifts.Only going to the bowling alley if you had a two dollar coupon or to get a Jones soda.You actively participated in the "Free the Donut" movement.You had very strong opinions about the closure of 9th street.You were really excited to live in the City Block project. :(Kathy Duval-Peterson is actually your mom.You've been to multiple neighborhood block parties.You participate in over-decorating for Halloween.The irony of the Slow Car Rally haunts you to this day.Your dream date is having someone to go to the Adams County Fair with you.Having an Eileen's cookie instead of a birthday cake every year.You have a strong opinion about which movie theatre is the best (it's the Rivoli).You've performed at the festival of lights with a children's choir or dance company.Knowing that the Dally's Deli downtown is the best one.You love getting boneless wings at Murphy's.You are an active force in the conflict between elementary schools.You're way too excited about Steeple Brewing/Wave Pizza.It wouldn't be summer without Tropical Sno.Your biggest dream is to own an apartment downtown.You're brave enough to enter Dairy Queen after a sporting event, concert, or play.You like to take walks through the abandoned mall.You don't understand the point of the West 16th Street overpass.You know which gas station has the cheapest gas.You've been pulled over from speeding through the underpass.You're still close with your high school best friends.
How Hastings Are You?
Well, how embarrassing for you. While you were too cool for the Queen City, we were off having just as much fun without you. You do know we have the longest Koolaid stand in the world right? How can you not even appreciate that? Whatever. Go enjoy Cruise Night or whatever else they do in Kearney or Grand Island, bet it won't be as fun as what we do here in H-town.
Well, you've definitely visited and it's rubbed off on you a little. You probably thought that when Andy the Goose was skinned alive was pretty sad, but you don't actively visit his gravesite every year. Sure, Back Alley has some good eats, but it's not the greatest thing you've ever tasted, monster. You'll enjoy what little time you have here, but you think (wrongly) that there are bigger and better places out there. Bye.
Hey, good for you! You definitely like Hastings! You might have grown up here or be a transplant, and you can appreciate how good you have it here. It wouldn't be the good life with all the strange amenities that Hastings has to offer like slow car rallies, cookies, and boneless wings. Maybe you'll stay, maybe you'll go but know that wherever you are you'll always belong to the Queen City.
You were definitely either born here or wish you had been. Hastings is a beacon of all that a quirky Midwestern life has to offer. You actively take strolls by Fisher Fountain. Your family, in fact, helped rebuild Fisher Fountain after it had been dynamited in the 1980s. It's your greatest dream to live downtown and have the Koolaid Man smash through your walls every day. When you're not getting in heated debates about which Runza is the best or which movie theatre is definitely less grungy (it's the Rivoli), you're probably getting coffee at Art Bar or Blue Moon. The Queen City may not be what she used to, but she'll always be the queen in your heart.