Hola, herbivores. Stop eating so much Quorn and concentrate on what your diet really needs - more cupcakes! Follow up with a good old-fashioned pillow fight and hopefully you won't become a fatty.
Editorial note: Whoa! You've found a super-old post here on BuzzFeed, from an earlier era of the site. It doesn't really represent where we are anymore, and may in fact be totally broken, but we're leaving it up as a part of our early history.