1. We need to discuss one of the loudest, most alarming sounds on Earth:
unsure if second Big Bang has occurred, creating another universe and causing the loudest explosion I've ever heard, or if dad just sneezed
2. The ~Dad Sneeze~
"Welcome to 'How to sneeze like a dad'. In our first lesson we will learn how to sneeze and kind of scream at the same time" *one dad sneezes, the windows shatter, all birds within 30 metres die, the teacher gets a nose bleed* "That's good for a beginner"
3. To clarify, a Dad Sneeze is basically a scream-sneeze combo that’s approximately a thousand times too loud.
never in my life have I heard my dad sneeze at an acceptable volume
4. There is no known reason or explanation for the intensity of these sneezes.
Does anyone else’s dad sneeze extremely loud for no reason?!? Like? What do you gain from it?!?
5. But children of dads everywhere are struggling with it.
Does anyone else's dad sneeze like the fucking Hulk?
6. They don't just affect our families and friends.
My dad sneezes so loud that my neighbor yells "God bless you Jerry" trough the wall🙄
7. They also disturb our sweet, unsuspecting pets.
My dad's just done one of his really loud swear-sneezes and as a result the most easily rattled one of my cats has relocated to France.
8. AND INNOCENT WILDLIFE.
One time my dad sneezed so loud a squirrel fell out of a tree...
9. It’s just not natural.
When my dad sneezes its like a demon is coming out of a vacuum cleaner to scream at our souls and then flick it's hair and go back inside.
10. It’s not normal.
normal sneeze: bless you dad sneeze: *category seven earth tremors. collapse of rural taiwanese stilt village. sparks civil war* bless you
11. It's mind-boggling.
In 1883, the island Krakatoa exploded, spewing molten rock with a sound so loud it circled Earth 4 times. Still not as loud as a Dad sneeze.
12. We have questions...
why do all dads exert 85% of the energy they have in their body to sneeze
13. ...and we want answers.
Is ya dad even your dad if he doesn't sneeze like a fucking elephant
14. Like, does it automatically develop once you become a father?
What about being a dad makes you sneeze 3 times louder than a person who isn't a dad?
15. Is it COMPLETELY necessary?
Why do all dads sneeze so loud? Is this part of having a midlife crisis? Plz go buy an impractical Corvette instead of rupturing my eardrum
16. So far, we only have theories.
I think all dads are in a secret competition to see who can sneeze the loudest.
17. Maybe it's simply part of the aging process.
The most apparent sign of an aging male is not baldness or wrinkles, but a powerful, earsplitting sneeze. See: Every dad.
18. Maybe it's the law.
Look, I don't like it either but I'm a dad, I'm legally required to sneeze like this.
19. Or...maybe it just is what it is.
dads really just be sneezing like that
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