1. I vaguely remember Alien. Ripley's in a long sleep after kicking some serious alien ass and saving a cat. She worked hard for this extended nap.
2. That fucking cat. Space Cat Jones.
3. Alert: There is a black nurse in space. That's progress, folks!
4. Ripley's eyebrows are on point after 57 years of hyper sleep.
5. I have nightmares about things in my belly too. Usually, babies tho.
6. These idiots at Weyland-Yutani (thank you Wikipedia) assure Ripley that people now live on the planet with the alien from the first movie. They refer to it as a "Shake and Bake" colony. My husband is booking international space travel right fucking now.
7. The transition of time is a terrible here. I guess now she’s in a dirty apartment but has a bad ass job.
8. Paul Buchman (aka) Burke mansplains that things have gone to shit at the colony and asks for Ripley's help.
9. This version of FaceTime is grainy AF but gets the job done.
10. Time to get to...sleep? After sleeping in those pods, do the guys wake up with crazy boners?
11. "There's some juicy colonists' daughters we have to rescue from their virginity." Ugh, fuckboys are the worst.
12. Bishop is an "artificial person" -- so an early prototype for the Kardashians?
13. Every time someone says LV 426, I first thing that I think of is a Louis Vuitton bag from the spring collection.
14. Oh, look at those Loaders aka fancy fork lift aka the Avatar suits.
15. Why is the female pilot wearing sunglasses in SPACE?
16. So Mrs. Top Gun lands and the crew does a sweep of the base of operations. There is evidence of alien blood-acid corroding the ground but all clear anyway!
17. There are alien specimens on display in glass tubes. Sounds like a safe and totally cool idea.
18. The lone little girl is the definition of feral. Also, she has an interesting collection of Mardi Gras beads. I hope she didn’t pay for them.
19. I took a break to search for Carrie Henn, the actress who plays Newt. Nada. One hit wonder.
20. And we’re back to an alien nest, of sorts.
21. Interesting idea: Let’s take away the army's guns and grenades. Oh, except that one dude. There’s always the one dude.
22. It took a look a very long time to see an alien in a movie called Aliens.
23. The crew is dying faster than influencer marketing after Fyre Festival. Time for Ripley to save the motherfucking day.
24. Alien blood-acid on the face? No face mask from Sephora is gonna fix that.
25. That alien came for Ripley through the window and she was basically like: you tried it but I’m gonna finish it, bitch.
26. Game over. Repeat.
27. Cleary they need to get TF out of there but the crew is only considered missing if they are gone for 17 days! I know people who menstruate more frequently than that.
28. So this is basically Burke's fault because he pretty much told the colonists to check out the alien eggs.
29. The five best words spoken by a female character of all time.
30. Ripley wakes up and sees the alien test tubes are fallen over and empty. Like why would she even sleep there or have Newt sleep there? Suspicious.
31. Ripley just "bad guy explained" Burke to Burke. Then he called her crazy because she was right about his plan. Good to know that men/women power struggles have not changed since 1986.
32. SPOILER ALERT: RIP Bill Paxton goes out like a champ. Burke, we'll hardly miss ya.
33. Who takes directions from a little kid? I guess desperate times?
34. Vasquez went out like a fucking champ. Thanks for kicking ass and taking names.
35. Of course, Newt fell. Can't take these kids anywhere. Falling down shafts ALL THE TIME.
36. Remind me never to complain about my awkward elevator rides again.
37. I'm interested to see Ripley's Pinterest board of DIY guns and explosives with duct tape.
38. If I were Ripley, I would have PTSD from countdowns. Never see me out on New Year's Eve.
39. In a completely predictable turn of events, Newt got caught up in the Alien snot.
40. Aliens laying eggs? Something I definitely never needed to see and definitely cannot unsee.
41. Mama alien is the Beyonce of her squad. One look and the rest of the plastics bow down.
42. Light em up up up
43. Where did Bishop go with the ship? These AI's ain't loyal.
44. The alien took the elevator! I could mildly believe everything about this movie* but that somehow is completely unrealistic to me.
45. Bishop shows up not a minute too soon. Maybe these AI's are loyal? But not very smart. How did they miss that huge ass stowaway?
46. Poor Bishop got pulled apart like some chicken wings at a summer BBQ.
47. Wait, Ripley's in the loader fighting the Beyonce alien? I've seen this part in Pacific Rim!
48. The alien gets sucked into space but Ripley's upper body strength (clearly not weakened from 57 years of slumber) keeps her from being vacuumed out? I don't know if I trust the science here.
49. Yay! Humans save the day. Not bad at all.
50. Well, that was cool. I'm officially unofficially ready for Alien: Covenant.
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