5. And a no to the guy with the unoriginal mirror selfie…nice abs though.
6. A hard no to the guy with a girl in his profile picture.
7. And no to the guy who looks like he could be my father. Or grandfather. “Still have all my teeth.” Not a great description or turn on. GET OFF OF HERE, PERV.
8. Um, no to the girl. How did she even get on here? *checks preferences*
9. And a quick swipe to the left for the frat bro who has so many guys in his profile picture I can’t determine which one he is.
10. Swiping left once again for the guy with a tongue-out selfie. Just NO. Not looking to date anyone with any similarities to Miley.
11. OMG. I’ve known this guy since we were 15 and we have 110 mutual friends. Embarrasing. See ya laterrrrr.
12. Hmmm. This guy is a model…left or right? Left swipe. Can’t have a boyfriend prettier than me. Have to think long term.
13. Wait, wait, wait. We might have someone here. 6 feet tall, blue eyes, brown hair, went to Stanford, loves dogs. I think we have a winner. SWIPE RIGHT, SWIPE RIGHT, SWIPE RIGHT.
14 Well shoot, are we a match?
15. All is good in the world, we are a match.
16. AND he just messaged me!!!
17. “Other than the obvious: great smile. Where have you traveled to?” Good line, I must admit.
18. Well this guy seems legit. Let the cyber stalking begin.
19. Step one: I should figure out his last name.
20. “So Shawn, is your last name as cute as your first name?” Eeks, no smooth way of figuring this out, but that will do.
21. Step two: I should investigate the crap out of this boy.
22. Hmm…where do I even begin? Facebook, I suppose.
23. HOLD UP. Who is that girl in his second to last profile pic? Old fling? Best friend? Girlfriend? This must be answered.
24. Wait, there’s a caption. “Love you, sis!” Phew. Crisis averted.
25. She looks nice. Oh, oops, how did I end up on her page?
26. Oh my gosh she was a dancer! We would totally get along.
27. CRAP. Did I just like her picture?! I DID JUST LIKE HER PICTURE.
28. WHAT IF HE FINDS OUT?! He’s going to think I’m the psycho Tinder girl who has never met him but already friending his sister.
29. Oh, I can just unlike. We’re good.
30. Instagram time perhaps?
31. He has three photos. What is wrong with this guy?
32. But, I must admit, who wants to date someone social media obsessed? NOT ME. Haha, we can just post cute pictures together on my account. No problem.
33. Do I look at his LinkedIn account. Too creepy, or nah?
34. Solution! I’ll have Katie look when she gets home from work. It’s not creepy if your roommate does it, right?
35. Well shoot, Katie is asking to see a picture of this guy. Lemme just screenshot a couple of these great Tinder pics.
36. And while I’m sending them to her, I’ll just go ahead and send them to my sister and four best friends.
37. But then, of course, I will delete them — don’t want him finding those once we’ve actually started dating!
38. Before I get ahead of myself, I should probably have a real conversation with this kid. We’ve only exchanged a few sentences…oops.
39. Oh, he’s asking for my number? That’s safe right?
40. I’m giving it to him. It’s decided.
41. He’s calling me, he’s really calling me. Does he need to hear my voice so he knows he’s not being catfished by a 45-year-old video game nerd? What is this nonsense?!
42. Not a bad phone conversation, I will say.
43. I think I’m excited to hang out with him. Or is that nerves? I’m going to throw up.
44. It’s really happening. We are meeting. In 5 hours.
45. In 4 hours I will meet him.
46. In 3 hours I am meeting a complete stranger. At a coffee shop I have never been to. By myself.
47. Two hours now. Someone get me a paper bag.
48. One hour. Deep breaths, in and out.
49. I’m driving to my awesome date, with this awesome stranger, at this awesome new place. YES. EVERYTHING IS AWESOME. Who am I kidding?
50. I’m here. And he’s not.
51. Or wait, is he?!
52. Was I catfished?!
53. I WAS CATFISHED WASN’T I?
54. Oh, wait. There he is.
55. Wait, wait, wait. I like what I see.
56. Tinder, you have succeeded. Now, here goes nothing.
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