From Destructive Substance Abuse To Sober Success
Kody Christiansen's story. How he went from the Hollywood high life to the New York City homeless shelter system and the inspirational return to life.
Sober in the Shelter.
Most people don't believe me when I tell them the story of the last three years of my life.
But it was all true, and it did all happen to me. While I was pursuing my acting and performing career in Hollywood during the daytime, my nightlife, surrounded by celebrities and the rock 'n' roll culture, became something of a show itself. Snorting cocaine at bars, smoking crystal meth at home to pre-game, and obsessive amounts of drinking (my own stronger version of Long Island iced teas being my go-to drink) became my life. Spending all my free time with my best friend, a once world-famous rock star, who also became the love of my life, didn't help me avoid the pitfalls of addiction either, in fact it pushed me further down.
Like a lot of addicts, I found myself drowning in my own poison. Every time I thought I reached the lowest depths of my addiction, I seemed to find unexplored, more dangerous, waters below. One night, I almost didn't make it back up for air.
Sitting alone in a cold, dark alley off of Sunset Boulevard, after an all-night bender of smoking crystal meth, drinking enough booze to send most people to the hospital, and having my heart ripped out by the rock star love of my life, I was faced with a choice. Die. Or die trying to live.
I was at the brink of suicide that night, when I made a spur-of-the-moment decision to take a flight across country to New York City with only the clothes on my back and the money in my pocket. I didn't know what I had to live for at that moment, but at that moment I knew I had to live.
When I got to the big city, for the second time in my life, it was different for me. Without money, credit cards or friends, I found myself homeless in the craziness that is NYC. I drank a lot that first year, even while I started to get the assistance that I so desperately needed. I found myself letting go of my privileged, Hollywood ego and began seeking out the help from the many generous organizations for homeless support that the city has to offer.
With help from multiple city agencies, within a month I was in a single-room occupancy homeless shelter, a 'homeless hotel' as they are referred to on the street. The first shelter was bearable for a while, but because I continued to drink and use, I was eventually kicked out when my behavior became reckless. The second shelter was in the heart of the south Bronx, adjacent to one of the most notorious NYC Housing Projects. Did I mention I am young, white, gay and a once renowned female illusionist (drag queen)? I was a little out of place to say the least.
But it was in this shelter, surrounded by mostly African American and Latin drug addicts, ex-cons and gang members, that I got sober for the first time in NYC. I don't know why, but I began to remember that I still had a spark inside, craving to become a roaring flame once again. I always knew I wanted to be “something big” since I was a very small child and that “something” was not a “homeless alcoholic drug addict.” That was not the inspiration I wanted to be.
I quit the self-destructive habits for about sixty days the first time. No drugs and no drinks. No AA meetings either. I was set on doing it all myself, but to my surprise, I found support in the shelter from the few “good guys” who had become like family. These particular alcoholic/drug addict ex-cons gave me encouragement, even though they were still drinking and using daily. It was a rarity, according to the shelter owner, my case worker and the many government appointed counselors.
I failed at my first attempt at sobriety. One of the ex-cons in the "homeless hotel" introduced me to crack, which I used daily for about a month. I left that shelter in a hurry after returning to my room which had been broken into and robbed. I knew I couldn't live like that anymore and at the next shelter I got back on the sober wagon. It was in this particular shelter in Queens where I was finally able to hold onto the wagon's reigns and see the ride through.
At my final breaking point, the Universe decided to reach out to me one last time. It was on a late night show, playing on the shelter-provided television, that a Texas evangelical's words hit me like a ton of spiritual bricks. I am not a Christian, Jew, Muslim or any religion really, just spiritual, but I was able to meld his words to work for me and was inspired to listen to his tips for 'finding your divine path.' It truly saved my life.
Sobriety brought clarity, allowing me to once again see the divine path leading to my now thriving acting and writing careers. I share openly my unique experiences involving the many facets of the New York City shelters and my struggles with addiction so that others will read it and realize, that no matter your current situation, there is always hope. If you take a chance on yourself.
The shelter system, while extremely difficult to live through at times, was a blessing. I am living proof that the NYC shelter program works. The city is but a vast erratic sea with hidden lifeguards stationed all around waiting to hear a distress call. Help is readily available, if you let go of your ego and are brave enough to ask for that life vest once you finally reach the surface and decide to truly breathe.
written by: Kody Christiansen, Author and Actor
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