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Posted on Mar 2, 2015

A Definitive Ranking Of Every "Real Housewives" Tagline Ever

Holla!

What We Know So Far

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Updates

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198. DeShawn Snow, Atlanta — Season 1

Bravo

Destined for greatness, or just one season as a Housewife?

197. Karent Sierra, Miami — Season 2

Bravo

We get it, you're a dentist.

196. Jo De La Rosa, OC — Season 1

Bravo

He didn't keep you, though. You and Slade broke up, Jo.

195. Lydia Schiavello, Melbourne — Season 2

Bravo

Is anyone on these shows a "traditional" housewife?

194. Bethenny Frankel, NYC — Seasons 1–3

Bravo

Minus points for name-checking the city.

193. Stacie Turner, D.C. — Season 1

Bravo

This is basically Bethenny's tagline.

192. Kyle Richards, Beverly Hills — Season 3

Bravo

Again, Bethenny's tagline reworked.

191. Teresa Giudice, New Jersey — Season 3

Bravo

+1 for not just saying "New Jersey is my state."

190. Porsha Stewart, Atlanta — Season 5

Bravo

What's the opposite of a humble brag?

189. Melissa Gorga, New Jersey — Season 3

Bravo

Oh, just a brag.

188. Kelly Killoren Bensimon, NYC — Seasons 2–3

Bravo

It would be weird if you hated living it.

187. Marysol Patton, Miami — Season 1

Bravo

Subtle plug for your PR firm, Marysol.

186. NeNe Leakes, Atlanta — Season 5

Bravo

Did Marysol put the spotlight on you?

185. Lea Black, Miami — Season 3

Bravo

But does it really?

184. Chyka Keebaugh, Melbourne — Season 1

Bravo

And probably money.

183. Kyle Richards, Beverly Hills — Season 2

Bravo

You and Chyka should combine your luck forces.

182. Jacqueline Laurita, New Jersey — Season 5

Bravo

#inspirational

181. Kim Richards, Beverly Hills — Season 3

Bravo

We need to restrict everyone's use of the word "journey."

180. Janet Roach, Melbourne — Season 2

Bravo

+1 for the metaphor.

179. Caroline Manzo, New Jersey — Season 4

Bravo

This is a lie. You're on the Real Housewives.

178. Kandi Burruss, Atlanta — Season 7

Bravo

Again, you're a Housewife. Drama is your job.

177. Jacqueline Laurita, New Jersey — Season 3

Bravo

Is anyone not their own person?

176. Lydia Schiavello, Melbourne — Season 1

Bravo

Puns!

175. Michaele Salahi, D.C. — Season 1

Bravo

You'd expect a better tagline from the woman who (allegedly) crashed a White House state dinner.

174. Camille Grammer, Beverly Hills — Season 1

Bravo

Kelsey Grammer did call RHOBH his "parting gift" to Camille before their divorce.

173. Jackie Gillies, Melbourne — Season 1

Bravo

Camille's tagline + two extra shines.

172. Shereé Whitfield, Atlanta — Seasons 1–2

Bravo

Three words: She By Shereé.

171. Cynthia Bailey, Atlanta — Seasons 3–4

Bravo

If you say so.

170. Cat Ommanney, D.C. – Season 1

Bravo

Like the show, which was canceled after one season.

169. Alexis Bellino, OC — Season 7

Bravo

Would we?

168. Marysol Patton, Miami — Season 2

Bravo

What does this even mean?

167. Kim Zolciak-Biermann, Atlanta — Season 5

Bravo

#blessed

166. Melissa Gorga, New Jersey — Season 5

Bravo

Literally. Take a page from Love Italian Style: The Secrets of My Hot and Happy Marriage by Melissa Gorga.

165. Phaedra Parks, Atlanta — Seasons 3–4

Bravo

And this is why Phaedra is a lawyer/mortician/fitness instructor/etiquette expert.

164. Lydia McLaughlin, OC — Season 8

Bravo

So, Lydia does not believe in reincarnation.

163. Kathy Wakile, New Jersey — Season 4

Bravo

This is very Sopranos.

162. Lizzie Rovsek, OC — Season 9

Bravo

True.

161. Heather Dubrow, OC — Season 8

Bravo

Heather DuBrow, formerly the only brunette on RHOC.

160. NeNe Leakes, Atlanta — Seasons 3–4

Bravo

When you leave a room, do you sell it?

159. Alexis Bellino, OC — Season 8

Bravo

Only God — and millions of Bravo viewers — can judge you.

158. Tamra Judge, OC — Season 8

Bravo

Technically if you start over, you're wiping away everything you already did... so you can't look back.

157. Amber Marchese, New Jersey — Season 6

Bravo

Except all the other women on the show who you fought with, Amber.

156. Gretchen Rossi, OC — Season 6

Bravo

What does sadness mean?

155. Gretchen Rossi, OC — Season 8

Bravo

Would've been better with "I get tougher too."

154. Peggy Tanous, OC — Season 6

Bravo

This is so anti-soccer mom.

153. Tammy Knickerbocker, OC — Season 2

Bravo

"Just me. I let me drive me crazy."

152. Tamra Barney, OC — Season 3

Bravo

Bold statement.

151. Heather Thomson, NYC — Season 6

Bravo

Minus points for basically stealing Aviva's tagline.

150. Aviva Drescher, NYC — Season 5

Bravo

See, Heather just reworded this.

149. Alexia Echevarria, Miami — Season 1

Bravo

Surprising this didn't end with "And I do."

148. Kim Zolciak, Atlanta — Seasons 1–2

Bravo

"And I get mine from Big Papa."

147. Lisa Vanderpump, Beverly Hills — Season 1

Bravo

We've reached the end of the "In [city], [x} gives you [y]" section of taglines.

146. Alex McCord, NYC — Seasons 1–3

Bravo

And one of those people is Jill Zarin (see below).

145. Jill Zarin, NYC — Seasons 1–3

Bravo

This is what Alex was talking about.

144. Kyle Richards, Beverly Hills — Season 1

Bravo

Hollywood is fake?!

143. Kyle Richards, Beverly Hills — Season 4

Bravo

This is just Kyle's Season 1 tagline recycled.

142. Brandi Glanville, Beverly Hills — Season 4

Bravo

Sounds dangerous.

141. Tammy Knickerbocker, OC — Season 3

Bravo

I don't think this is true.

140. Adrienne Maloof, Beverly Hills — Season 1

Bravo

"But I have a lot of money."

139. Yolanda Foster, Beverly Hills — Season 5

Bravo

"I also have a lot of money."

138. Tamra Judge, OC — Season 9

Bravo

The immortal Tamra Judge.

137. Cynthia Bailey, Atlanta — Season 5

Bravo

But hold onto beauty as long as you can!

136. Lauri Peterson, OC — Season 3

Bravo

OC lifestyle = ability to spend money.

135. Melissa Gorga, New Jersey — Season 6

Bravo

Solid try at reworking "forgive and forget."

134. Gina Liano, Melbourne — Season 2

Bravo

Another attempt at updating an old adage, but it really just sounds like you mispronounced "fiction."

133. NeNe Leakes, Atlanta — Season 6

Bravo

Two different sayings brought together in one tagline.

132. Alex McCord, NYC — Season 4

Bravo

Alex spoke those opinions...and was fired from the show.

131. Taylor Armstrong, Beverly Hills — Season 2

Bravo

Hey, you stole Alex's tagline!

130. Gina Liano, Melbourne — Season 1

Bravo

Opinions are important to Housewives, apparently.

129. Teresa Giudice, New Jersey — Season 6

Bravo

#FreeTre

128. Phaedra Parks, Atlanta — Season 7

Bravo

If only Phaedra could've fit being a mortician into this tagline too.

127. Caroline Manzo, New Jersey — Season 1–2

Bravo

"LET ME TELL YOU A SOMETHING ABOUT MY FAMBILY!"

126. Lynne Curtin, OC — Season 4

Bravo

Honest.

125. Tamra Barney, OC — Season 5

Bravo

That's kind of subjective, though.

124. Joyce Giraud de Ohoven, Beverly Hills — Season 4

Bravo

But, you can.

123. LuAnn de Lesseps, NYC — Season 5

Bravo

Should've been, "Money can't buy you class. Elegance is learned, my friends." Amiright?

122. Chyka Keebaugh, Melbourne — Season 2

Bravo

But you can also buy stylish things.

121. Brandi Glanville, Beverly Hills — Season 3

Bravo

Someone's read Class With the Countess: How to Live With Elegance and Flair by Luann de Lesseps.

120. Shereé Whitfield, Atlanta — Seasons 3–4

Bravo

Few people are brave enough to call themselves "elegant and sophisticated."

119. Sonja Morgan, NYC — Seasons 3–4

Bravo

"But I also filed for bankruptcy."

118. Cynthia Bailey, Atlanta — Season 6

Bravo

Welcome to the "Housewives making work puns" section.

117. Heather Thomson, NYC — Season 5

Bravo

This would've been lower, but the "Holla!" bumped it up on the list.

116. Vicki Gunvalson, OC — Season 5

Bravo

Same deal as Heather — the "Woohoo!" saves this tagline.

115. Kandi Burruss, Atlanta — Season 6

Bravo

Read: Don't mess with Mama Joyce.

114. Tamra Barney, OC — Season 4

Bravo

Is that a threat?

113. Adrienne Maloof, Beverly Hills — Season 2

Bravo

And what if you're not willing to work for it?

112. Heather Dubrow, OC — Season 9

Bravo

Possibly the most used tagline in Housewives history. We'll call this Example A.

111. Taylor Armstrong, Beverly Hills — Season 1

Bravo

Example B.

110. LuAnn de Lesseps, NYC — Season 5

Bravo

Example C.

109. Lisa Hochstein, Miami — Season 3

Bravo

There has to be ONE person who doesn't underestimate you, Lisa.

108. Lisa Rinna, Beverly Hills — Season 5

Bravo

This subtle lips joke saved you, other Lisa.

107. Kathy Wakile, New Jersey — Season 3

Bravo

Don't kill us, Kathy.

106. Kenya Moore, Atlanta — Season 6

Bravo

Minus points for stealing Kim Richards' tagline.

105. Kim Richards, Beverly Hills — Season 2

Bravo

See, Kenya stole it.

104. Kenya Moore, Atlanta — Season 7

Bravo

And then reworded it.

103. Jeana Keough, OC — Season 1

Bravo

Both solid and terrible advice.

102. Jeana Keough, OC — Season 2

Bravo

Jeana's tagline should've just been her shouting "money" over and over again.

101. Jeana Keough, OC — Season 3

Bravo

She fucking loves money.

100. Vicki Gunvalson, OC — Season 3

Bravo

Hilarious taken out of context.

99. Lisa Wu, Atlanta — Seasons 1–2

Bravo

Fair enough.

98. Jeana Keough, OC — Season 5

Bravo

Camille Grammer disagrees (see below).

97. Camille Grammer, Beverly Hills — Season 2

Bravo

Ask Tamra what freedom gets you (see below).

96. Tamra Barney, OC — Season 6

Bravo

No one can accuse Tamra of having low self-esteem.

95. Gretchen Rossi, OC — Season 4

Bravo

Aren't those the same thing?

94. Kandi Burruss, Atlanta — Season 3–4

Bravo

Oh, look. More Housewives talking about money.

93. Kyle Richards, Beverly Hills — Season 5

Bravo

"A very large, expensive home."

92. Kim Richards, Beverly Hills — Season 5

Bravo

The Richards sisters are pro-happiness.

91. Jo De La Rosa, OC — Season 2

Bravo

OK...

90. Jacqueline Laurita, New Jersey — Seasons 1-2

Bravo

"But I will show you all of my nice things on TV."

89. Lauri Waring, OC — Season 2

Bravo

Weird that this doesn't end with Lauri screaming, "Suckas!"

88. Teresa Giudice, New Jersey — Seasons 1–2

Bravo

Are you more jealous of Jersey girls...

87. Kim Zolciak, Atlanta — Seasons 3–4

Bravo

Or gold diggers?

86. Adriana De Moura, Miami — Season 1

Bravo

Impressive.

85. Adriana De Moura, Miami — Season 2

Bravo

OK, we get it, you speak five languages. Also, independence is not a language.

84. Yolanda Foster, Beverly Hills — Season 4

Bravo

And here we are at the "Housewives subtly call out their castmates" section.

83. Teresa Giudice, New Jersey — Season 4

Bravo

"And they are not on this show."

82. Adrienne Maloof, Beverly Hills — Season 3

Bravo

*cough* Brandi *cough*

81. Caroline Manzo, New Jersey — Season 3

Bravo

"And I'll punch you if you mess with my fambily."

80. Shannon Beador, OC — Season 9

Bravo

"You know why Tamra's hair is so big? It's full of secrets."

79. Adriana De Moura, Miami — Season 3

Bravo

And those surprises are secrets!

78. Jeana Keough, OC — Season 4

Bravo

Moving onto the "I call the shots" section.

77. Tamra Barney, OC — Season 7

Bravo

But calling the shots and making the shots are different things, Tamra.

76. Cindy Barshop, NYC — Season 4

Bravo

And introducing the "my own terms" lineup.

75. Porsha Williams, Atlanta — Season 6

Bravo

"Own rules" is a synonym for "own terms."

74. Kandi Burruss, Atlanta — Season 2

Bravo

We get it, you all call the shots.

73. Vicki Gunvalson, OC — Season 6

Bravo

This is getting tiresome.

72. Ramona Singer, NYC — Seasons 1–3

Bravo

Way to liven it up by alluding to sex, Ramona.

71. Vicki Gunvalson, OC — Season 8

Bravo

"Which I can give myself, because I'm my own boss!"

70. Kandi Burruss, Atlanta — Season 5

Bravo

True fans know it's really "I may be small — ♫oooooh♫ — but my empire keeps on growing."

69. Vicki Gunvalson, OC — Season 9

Bravo

"Also, I make my own money and I am my own boss. WOOHOO!"

68. Phaedra Parks, Atlanta — Season 5

Bravo

+1 for referencing the great donkey booty/stallion booty battle.

67. Jacqueline Laurita, New Jersey — Season 4

Bravo

Why doesn't Vegas have a Housewives?

66. Larsa Pippen, Miami — Season 1

Bravo

Time for "game" puns!

65. Lisa Vanderpump, Beverly Hills — Season 2

Bravo

"Checkmate, bitch." —Brandi Glanville

64. Yolanda Foster, Beverly Hills — Season 3

Bravo

"Especially yours, Lisa."

63. Lisa Vanderpump, Beverly Hills — Season 4

Bravo

What a fun way to reword "Life in Beverly Hills is a game, and I make the rules."

62. Vicki Gunvalson, OC — Season 7

Bravo

#LoveTank

61. Gretchen Rossi, OC — Season 5

Bravo

Self-esteem is important.

60. Alexis Bellino, OC — Season 5

Bravo

Well, at least you know it.

59. Kelly Killoren Bensimon, NYC — Season 4

Bravo

Remember when Kelly ran in Manhattan traffic for fun?

58. Cristy Rice, Miami — Season 1

Bravo

And the "keeping it real" section.

57. Ramona Singer, NYC — Season 4

Bravo

Ramona Singer, making fellow Housewives cry since 2008.

56. Jackie Gillies, Melbourne — Season 2

Bravo

+1 for light/shine pun!

55. Caroline Manzo, New Jersey — Season 5

Bravo

Caroline Manzo, making fellow Housewives cry since 2009.

54. Lea Black, Miami — Season 1

Bravo

AKA, "I'll give you my opinion, but I don't want to hear yours."

53. Ramona Singer, NYC — Season 5

Bravo

The blunter version of "If people can't handle the truth, it's really not my problem."

52. Ana Quincoces, Miami — Season 2

Bravo

Like Phaedra, Ana has a "slash": lawyer/chef.

51. Kathy Wakile, New Jersey — Season 5

Bravo

"My kitchen, where I make my dessert line, Indulge by Kathy Wakile."

50. Taylor Armstrong, Beverly Hills — Season 3

Bravo

But she will still go "Oklahoma on your ass."

49. Lauri Peterson, OC — Season 4

Bravo

Problem is, you're not a real princess.

48. Carole Radziwill, NYC — Season 5

Bravo

Carole actually is a real princess.

47. Gretchen Rossi, OC — Season 7

Bravo

+1 for being anti-princess.

46. Melissa Gorga, New Jersey — Season 4

Bravo

One of the better play on words made by a Housewife.

45. Joanna Krupa, Miami — Season 3

Bravo

"And because I have it all."

44. Claudia Jordan, Atlanta — Season 7

Bravo

"And because I'm beautiful."

43. Phaedra Parks, Atlanta — Season 6

Bravo

Is this a MasterCard ad?

42. Kim Richards, Beverly Hills — Season 1

Bravo

"But also, cast me in things!"

41. Alexia Echevarria, Miami — Season 3

Bravo

It seems that the phrase "Cuban Barbie" didn't clear legal.

40. Pettifleur Berenger, Melbourne — Season 2

Bravo

Get it? "Pettifleur" means "little flower," guys.

39. Kim Richards, Beverly Hills — Season 4

Bravo

Or Valerie Cherish.

38. Cynthia Bailey, Atlanta — Season 7

Bravo

Would anyone ever not choose themselves?

37. Sonja Morgan, NYC — Season 5

Bravo

+1 Sonja for being the first Housewife to include her name in her tagline.

36. Kenya Moore, Atlanta — Season 5

Bravo

Well, that's obvious.

35. Vicki Gunvalson, OC — Season 2

Bravo

Except when it comes to plastic surgery.

34. Carlton Gebbia, Beverly Hills — Season 4

Bravo

"Fuck." —Carlton's money

33. Teresa Aprea and Nicole Napolitano, New Jersey — Season 6

Bravo

Poor girls have to share everything, including their tagline.

32. Andrea Moss, Melbourne — Season 1

Bravo

Especially when that plastic surgeon is her husband.

31. Lisa Hochstein, Miami — Season 2

Bravo

"Plastic surgeon" seems to be the No. 1 career choice among the Real Housewives husbands.

30. Heather Dubrow, OC — Season 7

Bravo

+1 Heather for being the first to name-drop her husband/plastic surgeon.

29. Quinn Fry, OC — Season 3

Bravo

Creepy, because that's her son hanging in the background.

28. Vicki Gunvalson, OC — Season 4

Bravo

This one's great because the "I want them both" part is redundant.

27. NeNe Leakes, Atlanta — Seasons 1–2

Bravo

Bloop!

26. LuAnn de Lesseps, NYC — Seasons 1–3

Bravo

And if you did, you wouldn't be a Housewife.

25. Gamble Breaux, Melbourne — Season 2

Bravo

Possibly the best use of one's own name in a tagline.

24. Mary Amons, D.C. — Season 1

Bravo

A basic requirement of a Housewife.

23. Lynne Curtin, OC — Season 6

Bravo

Mind you, Lynne was evicted from her home and later filed for bankruptcy.

22. Brandi Glanville, Beverly Hills — Season 5

Bravo

Words to live by.

21. Kimberly Bryant, OC — Season 1

Bravo

The first season OC taglines were just gems of quotes from the show.

20. Lauri Waring, OC — Season 1

Bravo

Again, gems.

19. Lynda Erkiletian, D.C. — Season 1

Bravo

The scariest tagline ever.

18. Dina Manzo, New Jersey — Seasons 1–2

Bravo

She's talking to you, Danielle Staub.

17. Eileen Davidson, Beverly Hills — Season 5

Bravo

And, surprisingly, it wasn't on RHOBH.

16. Joanna Krupa, Miami — Season 2

Bravo

Solid play on words.

15. Kristen Taekman, NYC — Season 6

Bravo

Quite the way to introduce yourself to the audience.

14. Lisa Vanderpump, Beverly Hills — Season 3

Bravo

It SHOULD.

13. Janet Roach, Melbourne — Season 1

Bravo

This makes no sense and all the sense at the same time.

12. Alexis Bellino, OC — Season 6

Bravo

Alexis somehow worked God and sex into one thought.

11. Lea Black, Miami — Season 2

Bravo

Amen.

10. Sonja Morgan, NYC — Season 6

Bravo

And now we're all picturing Sonja panty-less.

9. Danielle Staub, New Jersey — Seasons 1–2

Bravo

So great, Dina Manzo's daughter made it her yearbook quote.

8. Teresa Giudice, New Jersey — Season 5

Bravo

Possible inspiration for Taylor Swift's "Shake It Off."

7. Ramona Singer, NYC — Season 6

Bravo

And by Pinot, she means Ramona Pinot Grigio.

6. NeNe Leakes, Atlanta — Season 7

Bravo

Bloop, again!

5. Aviva Drescher, NYC — Season 6

Bravo

Her fake leg...which she threw across a restaurant.

4. Lisa Vanderpump, Beverly Hills — Season 5

Bravo

This tagline elicited a "Yaaass" across the internet when it premiered.

3. Dina Manzo, New Jersey — Season 6

Bravo

Because, "Namaste, bitches."

2. Vicki Gunvalson, OC — Season 1

Bravo

The OG tagline from the OC.

1. Carole Radziwill, NYC — Season 6

Bravo

The greatest tagline of all time.

Bravo / Via realitytvgifs.tumblr.com

Only Real Housewives broadcast on Bravo were included in this ranking.

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