1. Glitter Beach Ken
2. Shaving Fun Ken
You know what little girls probably don't think about? Shaving a man's face. Also, I don't know why they decided to make Ken look like a fifth-year college student who smokes pot all day and plays Hacky Sack on the quad, while listening to Dave Matthew Bands CDs from a boom box.
3. United Colors of Benetton Ken
Is this the type of clothes United Colors of Benetton sold an the early '90s? 'Cause Ken looks like he is one turquoise necklace away from looking like a New Hampshire retiree who now sells self-made pottery in New Mexico.
4. Butterfly Art Ken
Um, I guess in the '90s Ken was into getting butterfly lower-back tattoos? At least it wasn't tribal or Chinese symbol tattoo Ken.
5. Totally Hair Ken
There's so much going on here it's confusing! The hair looks like it will take at least 75% of the Dep gel bottle to tame. Meanwhile the shirt says "Yeah, I'm going to an Austin Powers-themed costume party," while the pants look like something a Florida retiree would wear to walk their Yorkie around their retirement community. Basically someone was clearly on something when designing this doll.
6. Sun Sensation Ken
7. Rappin' Rockin' Ken
8. Earring Magic Ken
Probably Ken's biggest GIVE NO FUCKS moment ever. I mean he literally wore a cock ring around his neck — OK so it wasn't an intentional cock ring. And clearly, based on his appearance, he was targeting himself to a consumer other than little kids.