4. Bad bathing suits:
“A bad bathing suit can humiliate you more than anything else in life. When I was a kid I was sent off to summer camp, and my mother packed my bathing suit before I had a chance to see it. I got to camp and the counselor said ‘Conan, it’s time for you and all the other nine-year-old boys who will judge anything you do harshly to go swim in the pond.’ I went to get my bathing suit, and it was covered in with star-shaped photographs of movie-musical celebrities from the 1930s and ’40s. Judy Garland and Gene Kelly. Fred Astaire and Ginger Rogers and Irving Berlin. The counselor was shouting, ‘O’Brien, c’mon out!’ I said, ‘I Think I’m having a slight seizure. You may have to go on without me.’”
5. Going outside:
“There’s always some idiot friend of yours who says, ‘Let’s go outside! We’ve gotta carpe diem!’ I say, “Can’t we just lie on this pleasant lawn furniture indoors?’ Because I basically have same needs as a mushroom. I want it to be dark and kind of moist and I don’t want to be jostled for months at a time.”
Quotes transcribed from an interview in the September 1995 issue of Details magazine.
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