We asked members of the BuzzFeed Community to tell us their most embarrassing, and yet hilarious, masturbation horror stories. Here are some of their cringe-inducing submissions:
1. When grandma walked in:
"I was maybe 15 or so, and spending a week visiting my grandparents over summer break. I was in their office with my laptop and was doing the deed butt naked due to the A/C being broken that day. While in the heat of things my grandmother busts through the door to tell me that dinner is ready. I quickly tried to cover my junk/boner and nervously said I'd be out in a minute, while she just stood there staring. I guess she drew the conclusion that I was only naked because of the heat and apologized that it was so hot in the house, and that the repairman was going to be there shortly.
“To this day I'm still not sure if she kindly said that to avoid the obvious awkwardness, or if she genuinely thought I was so hot that I was actually just lounging around their house naked. Either way, that dinner was very awkward, and I learned that masturbation was best left for the bedroom and during times when you were safe from interruptions." —ggk328
2. When this woman realized she should've washed her hands:
"I learned the hard way that licking Flamin' Hot Cheetos dust from your fingers does not clean them. Two hours and a bottle of wine later my vagina was on fire, and I'm pretty sure my vulva shudders to this day if Flamin' Hot Cheetos are present." —amandas4d1002fba
3. When the Bluetooth connection was a massive fail:
"I was masturbating to an online video and used the Bluetooth to connect my wireless headphones. Afterwards I went down to the living room and my parents had a blank look and said, 'So, did you enjoy yourself?' Turns out the Bluetooth connected to the stereo system instead of my headphones! Worst. Mistake. Ever." —itsmemandyyy
4. When this mom did a thorough cleaning:
"I'm from a super-conservative family, but I'm pretty much the opposite. When I was 18, my mom decided to clean out my closet while I was at school and found the vibrator I kept in there. When I got home she didn't mention the vibrator, but gave me a lecture on how God hates masturbation and how to 'fight Satan's urge.' And probably the worst part was that I never saw that vibrator again. It was expensive!" —joybwithu
5. When this woman thought she was home alone:
"I live with my grandparents, and every Friday they always leave for the whole day. One Friday morning they had left and I decided to take a shower and tickle the skittle. I was in the shower with the vent on and my music blasting getting it done. I was loud knowing that I was alone. After I was done, I got out and went straight to my room. My grandparents' room is right next to mine so when I heard their TV on I was shook! Turns out they never left that morning and heard everything. They didn't look at me in the eye for weeks. I am still horrified." —kourtneyb45deb9979
6. When the cat thought it was a game:
"Some background: My parents play this game with our cats where they move their feet under the bed and our cats chase and play with them. Well, long story short, while I was doing my business under the covers, my cat came into my room and thought it was something to play with. It was not fun." —itsyourboykent
7. When this selfie got awkward:
"So, it was the morning after I had just discovered my clit. It was super sore and I was trying to figure out if that was normal or not. So, I took my camera — note that this was before cameraphones — and I took my panties off and took a photograph of, well, you know. The next thing I know is my mother coming into the room, looking at a half-naked me holding a camera and going, 'Oh.'" —sighsngiggles
8. When the wrong type of lube was used:
"I'm a straight guy, who, due to growing up in an openly homophobic area, was always afraid of having stuff in my butt. To try and shake of my childhood bullshit, I decided to open Pandora's box — see if there is anything fun in there.
"What I did not do was consider the type of lube I had on hand, which caused a type of tingling sensation that I would not recommend. It felt like the morning after having curry — at the moment of peak spicy — for a few hours." —conorc48035b020
9. When the entire school finds out:
“I was 13, and it was my first year in an all-boys Catholic boarding school. We all slept in big open dormitories, and there was zero privacy — so I decided to go and give myself some self-love in on of the toilet cubicles. I whipped out my phone and went for it and, apparently, I wasn't as discreet as I thought I was since a fellow student decided to jump and caught me with my hands full (see what I did there?). Within a matter of hours the news spread amongst the entire boarding house and, the following day, the school. To this day I hold the title of ‘that guy who got caught having a wank in the toilets.’ Looking back at it, I'm glad that it was another student and not one of the brothers.” —baseline
10. When this father-in-law walked in:
"It was a very beautiful morning and my wife and in-laws had gone out to get breakfast. So, naturally, I was happy that I had the house all to myself. I went into the bathroom to do my thing. I'm watching porn on my phone with my headphones on when, suddenly, I see the door swing open and in walks my father-in-law right as I'm about to finish. I can tell you breakfasts have never been the same." —danielcruz1973
11. When this guy who forgot to combat-lock the door:
"It was in 2003, right after we invaded Iraq. We convoyed from Kuwait to Baghdad. After stoping at our base and setting up, I was looking at our collection of dirty mags that had been sent from home. After getting myself all worked up I decided to handle some business. So, while in the back of our track vehicle, I started going to town but forgot to combat-lock the door. As I was about to finish the door swung open and my battle buddy stands there for a while, until he screamed after realizing what he saw. I didn't get a handshake for quite a while after that." —allend49300ec7b
12. When this mom came home early:
"So one day I decided to try something a little different. I figured looking at some naughty stuff on a bigger screen would make for a better experience. So, I used the internet browser on the Wii in my living room to do just that, while my parents were out of the house. I was going at it fully naked, because why not? And then, suddenly, I heard footsteps on the porch, which, mind you, is about 15 feet away from where I was! My mom had come home quite a bit earlier than I expected. So I panicked, running to the door, still in the buff, trying to hold it closed, not even bothering to turn off the Wii because there was no time. But of course that failed. After a few moments of awkward silence, my mom told me to just go put my clothes on and come back to talk to her afterwards. It took me hours to get out of my room and face her again." —jaded4d3749abd
13. When this woman's mother felt like giving some words of comfort:
"My mother was living with me at the time. It was very early in the morning, maybe 3 or 4 a.m. My mom was sleeping and I was down the hall in my own bedroom. I was full-on masturbating with a large, realistic dildo, just going to town on myself. I was trying to be quiet, muffling my oncoming orgasm into a pillow. Apparently my mother got up to go get a drink of water, which she NEVER does. As she passed my room, she heard the muffled noises, thought I was crying, and walked into my room, without knocking. I stopped immediately, but my mom came over and sat on the edge of my bed and attempted to comfort me while I lay there, denied what had been looking to be a very promising orgasm, WITH THE DILDO STILL INSIDE OF ME!!! I tried and tried to convince her that I had not been crying. But she wasn't buying it and sat there for half an hour giving me a motivational speech." —Anonymous
14. When this teen had a Fast Times at Ridgemont High moment:
"I had been staying at a friend's house for a few days when I was about 13. His older sister, who I had a huge crush on, walked in on me in the bathroom just as I was finishing myself in the shower. She got a full view as I came and she left the bathroom. I was so embarrassed that I called my parents to come and get me pretending to be ill. I could never look her in the face again, but, thankfully, she never told anyone." —layton99
15. When this woman forgot something in the bathroom:
"I had moved back into my parents' home after a semester of college. One day, after taking a bath, I heard my 7-year-old brother from the bathroom exclaim 'Whoa, it's pink! And it's squishy!' I had to tell him that my Rabbit vibrator that I had left behind was a back massager." —persephone10000
16. When this guy's search history led to a whole other conversation:
"I look up gay porn on my phone and masturbate to it. One day, my mom viewed my phone's search history to look up at a website she once visited, and instead saw every time I had searched up gay porn. Maybe the worst way to come out of the closet?" —tylerh4ea5c1d10
17. When sextiming goes wrong:
"My boyfriend of three and half years had just moved away, and I had moved back in with my parents. We were trying to keep our sex life "sexy" by FaceTiming occasionally, and one time I was getting really into it, only to have my mom walk in and scream. My dad then proceeded to check on what my mom was screaming about. Safe to say I didn't leave my room for a day or two, and said boyfriend didn't come back to visit for a couple months." —ellyses3
18. When this Grindr mishap happened:
"I hit up my white fuckboy from Grindr and ended up agreeing to stay the night with him since we had the place to ourselves. We fooled around for a bit, but we end up passing out. Fast-forward to the morning: I wake up alone, thinking he went to work. I start jerking off and enjoying myself, not insanely loud. Just as I'm about to come, I hear him walk by the door and in my incredibly unsexy, groggy, surprised voice, I mutter, 'Oh fuck.' After I do so, the door barges open and a tall Asian guy with glasses (clearly not my fuckbuddy) comes in swinging a golf club at me as I'm sprawled on this bed with cum shooting from my dick. I'm screaming, 'OH MY GOD.' Turns out the Asian guy was his roommate who knew my fuckbuddy had gone to work, but didn't know I had stayed the night, and because our campus area had a series of break-ins, he prepared himself thinking I was a burglar." —Gucio Marcin Jim Powęska, Facebook
Note: Submissions have been edited for length and clarity.