We asked members of the BuzzFeed Community to tell us their most cringingly awkward, but funny thing that has happened to them while masturbating. Here are some of their hilarious submissions:
1. When this person unexpectedly did a cam show:
"I was spending a few days at my best friend's house after a breakup to recover. He has two cats and they were doing their own thing, so I was sitting in the living room and decided to have some personal time. He and I had talked about masturbation around the house before so I didn't feel weird or gross about doing it in his house. Anyways, I am just going at it and all of a sudden I hear an 'ahem...' and my name coming from the corner. I looked up and learned that he had installed a kitty cam to watch his cats and I was unintentionally putting on a webcam show for him. And to make things worse, I learned later that he was showing his boss and we aren't sure if she's aware of what transpired, but my friend definitely did."
2. When this person's personal time turned into something out of horror movie:
"My boyfriend at the time and I were having phone sex — this was when I still lived with my dad — and I started getting handy with my tatas (I was wearing an oversized T-shirt and underwear) when I felt something move under my T-shirt. I cringed and calmly hung up the phone, sat upright, and lifted up my shirt and saw a tarantula (my least favorite animal) perched on my boobs.
I screamed bloody murder and woke up my dad, to which he stormed into my room to find me in my underwear, screaming with a tarantula on my tits.
To this day, I have no idea how the tarantula got there."
3. When this person thought they had the room to themselves:
"So, I slept over my boyfriends house (also, he shared a room with his roommate because they were in college and broke). Well his roommate wasn’t home that night, he was away visiting family but expected to return in a few days.
The next morning my boyfriend goes to take a shower and I decide to masturbate while in bed, 'cause why not? My boyfriend's bed was a modified loft bunkbed; basically he used the actual bed part as storage then draped a big curtain around the perimeter of the loft part and stuck his mattress in there. Cozy. Anyways, I get off and am starting to relax when I hear something outside the curtain...I freeze. I peer out of the curtain and see my boyfriend's roommate laying in his bed PRETENDING TO BE ASLEEP, BUT I KNOW HE WAS AWAKE AND HEARD ME MASTURBATING/ORGASMING TO PORN. I felt like I physically couldn’t move, but I eventually left the room with all my things and went to work. It was awkward running into him after that."
4. When grandma thought she found her granddaughter's toy:
"I used to keep a bullet vibrator in a box of makeup wipes on top of my night stand. My mom came to visit and while I was cooking her dinner she went to use the bathroom inside my bedroom and my 2-year-old followed her. She thought my makeup wipes were baby wipes and she went to help my 2-year-old wipe herself with one of them. She found my vibrator and apparently thought it was one of my daughter's toys and handed it to her. I took it away from her swiftly after she came out playing with it; then my mom asked why I would take her toy away. I told her that it was my toy, not my daughter's. My mom didn’t know what a bullet was. I then had to have an extremely awkward conversation about sex toys with my mother because she was curious and intrigued."
5. When Alexa exposed what this person was up to:
"I’ve read stories like mine and I never thought it would happen to me. Well, we have an Amazon Echo in our house and I’ve used it many a time as a speaker for when I’m listening to music or whatever in the kitchen, but I usually disable the Bluetooth when I’m done. However, my phone decided sometime in the wee hours of the morning to re-enable the Bluetooth and connect to the Echo while I was asleep. Around 11 am, I was masturbating and turned on a video to help me get off. However, I didn’t hear any sound. I started wondering what the issue was when I heard my mom yell, 'ALEXA, STOP!!!' Instantly, I realized what had happened, I disabled the Bluetooth, and closed the tab. My mom texted me to ask if I was watching porn and I lied.
Moral of the story: Always disable your Bluetooth when you’re done with your speakers, guys. Always."
6. This person who interrupted a family's Christmas Eve dinner:
"I was at watching porn on my phone at boyfriend's (who wasn’t home at the time), while his stepmom had her entire family over (about 16 people) for Christmas Eve dinner. Well the phone slipped out of my hand and somehow I casted the video onto the TV, which was on full volume. I could hear the silence that followed after I tried to quickly turn the TV off. I was traumatized, still am."
7. When a hookup's mom got a surprise:
"I once went home with a guy from the bar and we messed around a little, but were too drunk so we kind of just passed out in the living room on his sectional. Things started getting frisky the next morning and he had to run to take a leak. While waiting, I stripped naked and proceeded to sit there on his couch, ~keeping it awake~ so to speak. That's about the time his MOTHER came from the spare bedroom and saw me, a random, strange boy, naked and tugging it on the couch. She screamed, I screamed...it was not a good time. I was less weirded out about her seeing it than I was about the fact that he didn't think to mention she was there, and that she was there to babysit his cat while he was at the bar. I mean... So no, we did not complete the hookup and things did not work out between us."
8. When this person had a major buzz kill:
"I was laying in the shower, about to have the best orgasm of my entire life, and the shower curtain fell on me. Talk about ruining the mood!"
9. When this person sucked something in unexpectedly:
"So for a couple weeks every year, miller moths sneak into everyone’s houses here in Colorado, attracted by the light. One night, I was having some me time using porn on my phone. Problem was all the other lights in my room were off. Right when I started to climax, one of those pesky moths flew to the light of my phone, only to be sucked into my mouth by a deep breath in! Let me tell you, nothing messes up an orgasm like a moth! I made sure to always leave at least one other light on whenever I masturbated after that."
10. When this person didn't have time to wash their duvet:
"My roommate's friends in college ALWAYS dropped by unannounced into our room. One day I was late to class and my bed cover was hella stained with, umm, bodily fluids and I didn't have time to put it in the washer so I figured I'd do it when I get back from class. Of course when I got back there are like five people in my room eating and one person asked what fabric softener I use because it left 'a dried huge white stain.' I was morbid to say the least, but I told her, 'Thanks for the heads up!'"
11. When this person had a Fast Times at Ridgemont High moment...with their cousin:
"When I was probably about 13 or 14 I was at a cousin’s house. We were the same age and had recently become close because she transferred to my school. She also had an older brother who was around 17 (also my cousin, but who I did not know well) and she asked me if I could go upstairs to tell him that we were leaving the house.
Believing that it was nicer than just shouting through the door I wanted to tell him face-to-face. Knocked twice on the door of his bedroom and opened it to him masturbating on his bed facing the door fully exposed. We made eye contact, I screamed, slammed the door, ran out straight into a wall, bounced off the wall, and fell down the nearby flight of stairs into the living room where I was met by a confused stare from my cousin. Her brother then came downstairs and began shouting at me for disturbing him. Sometime during this unfortunate event I had also sliced open my knee in a straight line, which eventually scarred over permanently as a reminder of the mortifying time I saw my relative’s penis."
12. This person who was putting on a shadow puppet show for the neighborhood:
"When I first discovered the art of having a me-some, I did not think about how lighted window shades at night with my bed right next to it might appear on the outside. Let’s just say my street got a nice backlit silhouette on my window shade of ONLY MY HAND AND MY PENIS and the motions that follow. Months of this went on before I noticed. My poor neighbors. How do you even bring that up?!"
13. When this person's parents should've knocked:
"This wasn’t me, but my man and I had a long distance thing going so we would send each other videos. We had been wanting to FaceTime for a while, but stuff kept getting in the way until finally one night we did. Right as he was at the finish line his parents walked in to talk to him. They just walked right back out."
14. When this person's search history revealed all:
"I was about 16 years old and my dad had just heard a commercial on the radio asking 'Do YOU know what your children see on the internet?' I heard the radio in the living room from my room and I clicked out of the website. I heard my dad come up the stairs, walk into into my room and checked my browser history right in front of me. I have never been so embarrassed!"
15. When this person forgot what was in their bag:
"After moving into my college dorm, a big group of us all decided to get to know each other and go see some museums. We walk into one of the museums and there's a bag check. Well, I had forgotten that I had my vibrator in my bag until the very old security guard pulls it out and holds up before asking, "Um, ma'am what is this?" and I had to explain it was a vibrator in front of all the new people I had met at school and all the other people visiting the museum. What a great way to make friends the second day after moving in for your freshman year of college."
16. When this person left their vibrator behind during an emergency:
"I’d been in the shower with my vibrator when my dad knocked on the door loudly to inform me that my stepbrother's pit bull had attacked my Pomeranian and had to be rushed to the vet. I quickly jumped out and got dressed to go with my dog. Only after getting home did I realize I’d left my vibrator in plain sight in the middle of the bathroom floor with the door open while the rest of our family was home. Made a bad day worse."
17. When this person had technology backfire on them:
"One time I was going at it alone, watching some videos on my phone, when my mom called. I picked up, however, the audio was still playing in the background of the call for some reason. I panicked and told her I was in the bathroom and would call her back later, I never knew if she heard it but damn...I’ll never make that mistake again."
—(Anonymous PLEASE)
18. And finally, when the party for one became a viewing party:
I didn't realize that the neighbors — who where having 20 people over for a party — could see me from their windows. Well, not until they whistled.
Note: Submissions have been edited for length and clarity.