1. You lost half a Vietnamese sandwich somewhere in your covers last night.
2. Your friends don't even pretend to ask you for relationship advice anymore.
3. You have no idea how to flirt...
4. ...but you go on a date every few months, so when your mom calls, you can tell her you're "dating."
5. You know what it's like not to feel the warmth of a human smile for days.
6. You will poke both of your eyes out if someone asks if you're putting yourself out there...
7. ...or if you hear "it'll happen when you least expect it."
8. You can't believe your non-single friends think it's OK to ever complain about the last time they had sex.
9. You wish that every time someone weird offers to buy you a drink, you could sub it for an order of mozzarella sticks.
There should be some sort of mozz sticks or vodka soda hand signal.
10. You've finally figured out how boring it is to go out with your non-single friends.
11. You know in your heart of hearts that there is no such thing as one glass of wine.
12. You gave up on serious online dating long ago.
(It's for jokes/someone suddenly falling in love with you because of your emoji choices.)