1. The “Oddly Sexual in Nature”: Because, as we all know, religion has always had a sense of humour when it comes to sex.
Knee pads help….oh, for praying, I mean.
Better than a loose place, I guess.
I thought sodomy was frowned upon.
Even God loves a swallower.
I asked my Mom, but she couldn’t remember.
Only if you do it right.
7. The “I Thought Only God Could Judge”: Judging others, religions favorite past time.
Yeah, cuz those crafty Protestants are evil, I hear.
I kissed a girl and I liked it too, but afterwards, I just went to Jamba Juice.
Do they think the Jews are gunning for Christmas?
Because it’s hard to Shout-out those brain stains all over the carpet.
Religious zealots always bring in the best poon.
12. The “Hook ‘Em While They’re Young”: Because children are dumb, these signs surely worked.
I think My Space and Jesus died about the same time.
My computer protection told me the download was riddled with viruses so I passed.
Shhhh…don’t let Google hear you say that!
Jesus or not, he’ll still need a search warrant. I know my rights.
Is Snoop Dog the pastor here?
18. The “Ouotes From God”: I’m sure he’d appreciate us mere mortals putting words in his mouth.
Yeah, cuz that won’t make more people say “Goddammit!”.
I’m pretty sure 2 out of 3 of those things were around before religion.
Please do…I always wondered what you look like. I betting you’re a midget (Napolean Complex).
I wonder what God’s status updates would look like? “I couldn’t have created a better couple than Bella and Edward! Team Edward, all the way!”
22. The “WTF”: These are just unexplainable.
But I thought they didn’t believe in assisted suicide.
What if it’s a really nice shirt?
Finally! A place for me! Can I bring my bong?
25. And, finally….The “Truly Funny”: There are only two because it happens so rarely.
I imagine him sitting in the corner of a coffee shop, drinking a dopio, scarf tied just so ‘round his neck, reading an obscure book, and listening to music we’ve never heard of.
Ay, me matey. Tis true, indeed.
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