41 Thoughts You Have While Washing Your Dog

“Why am I doing this?”

1. C’mere boy!
2. Ugh you stink.
3. Alright time for a bath.
4. It’s just water!
5. I’ve seen you jump in it 1000 times! Chill out!
6. Stay still or I will murder you.
7. Quit. Wriggling.
8. Why do I bother?
9. You’re just gonna go roll in shit afterwards.
10. Ok shampoo time.
11. No don’t move. IT WILL GET IN YOUR EYES.
12. Wow you’re dumb.
13. That’s it, you’ve calmed down now. Just let me lather it up.
14. No! NO! Stop! Stop moving!
15. Ugh I should probably wash your butt…
16. Grrrrooosssssssssss.
17. I should get some of that waterless shampoo…
18. Just try to forget about that whole “anal sack” thing the Vet taught you.
19. NO. Stop! You’ll get it in your eyes!
20. IT’S JUST WATER!!!

21. Dammit your claws are so sharp!
22. I wish you were bald.
23. Okay it’s time for water again.
24. Yes, yes I know you don’t like it.
25. JUST. WATER.
26. Okay, okay let me get a towel.
27. DONT. MOVE.
28. No no no! Don’t shake!
29. *Water flies everywhere.*
30. I’m done.
31. Let me dry you off.
32. God you’re such a little worm.
33. You want the hair drier?
34. BECAUSE I’LL GET IT! I SWEAR!
35. No no please don’t get out of there.
36. Oh look at you all shivering I’m the worst person in the world.
37. Look you’re done, go on.
38. Wait come back!
39. STAY AWAY FROM THE COUCH!
40. Outside! Get outside!
41. *Dog rolls in mud*

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