Before we begin, a definition:
A doyen of Australian culture, similar to the American “redneck”. Easily spotted due to penchant for sporting mullet haircuts, wearing black jeans and flannel shirts, and driving big old cars such as Valiants, Falcons or H-series Holdens while listening to AC/DC or Metallica.
Now let’s get started…
21. The shopping list:
Milk, bread, smokes. We’ve all been there. Or have we? This is only the start of our bogan journey, and it loses points due to the lack of context. It is very possible the smokes were for someone else, making the milk and bread order seem a lot more tolerable.
Bogan level: Tracky dacks and Ugg boots.
20. The car listing:
At first glance, this listing in a local newspaper appears to be peak bogan. However, one must consider the possibility that this was not the work of a bogan, rather, someone who understands advertising and how to sell. Good on them, if that’s the case.
Level of bogan: Personalised numberplate.
18. The four boys:
Unable to tell if the tattoos are indeed real (Lord pray they are not) we must take what we can from the photo. Whilst there is a possibility that the photo was the result of a bogan-themed party, the costumes are almost too spot on - the attitude too real - to believe that. This is low on the list because they’re just kids, and they still have time to make a change. We hope. We pray.
Level of bogan: Frangipani car stickers.
15. Batman and his high horse:
At first glance, this appears like a typical (and sad) party. But, on the right of the frame, the sign on the door is what makes this premium bogan. “Fuck off we’re full” has become a mantra of sorts for the bogan people, and sticking it on the door for all to see is quite a statement.
Level of bogan: Staying up all night for the Australian Open.
14. The do-it-yourself:
Good on them for trying. You’d be forgiven for being distracted by the new (and by new we mean ***newly rearranged***) doors, but the rear of the car is where it’s really at. No time to spend on functionality, guys. This thing needs to look HOT AS SHIT!
Level of bogan: Todd Carney.
11. The spoiled P-plater:
We’ve all made mistakes as kids. The fact that this driver is a P-plater let’s us assume their age (which may be wrong presumption to make) and it is this that saves them ever so slightly. Still, there’s no excuses for that thing on the back. How much faster do you think that makes it go?
Level of bogan: Massive spoilers on the back of your car.
8. The anarchist:
One hand rests against my forehead, trying to comprehend this, whilst the other cups my mouth to stifle the laughter. Full points for a creative response to ‘the man.’ This right here is the bogan anarchist and we should all be worried.
Level of bogan: Tramp stamp of your favourite sporting team.
2. The home mechanic:
This guy is obviously just trying to save some cash, and credit to him for trying. That said, your kid’s swing-set probably isn’t the ideal place to rig up your cars’ engine. That’s more a job for the clothes line.
Level of bogan: Hopping down to the chicken shop for your daily Chicko Roll.