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    29 Jan 2015

    14 Things All Pale Australians Know To Be True


    1. People are always saying stupid things to you like "you don't *look* Australian."

    Sure I may not look like the typical tan Australian. But I'll tell you what you look like.

    A dickhead.

    You look like a dickhead.

    2. You try really hard to tan...


    3. Because everywhere you look, it seems everyone is blessed with olive skin.

    Dog Eat Dog

    4. Summer to you is just another word for sunburn.


    5. You have a lot of hats...


    6. Even though hats no doubt look shit on you.

    7. You become the lord of winter apparell. Because this is your time to shine.

    8. But, as if to mock you, everyone that was tan, stays tan.

    Warner Bros.

    9. Instagram is painful during the summer.

    10. Flash photography makes you look like an ethereal elf queen.

    New Line Cinema

    11. There isn't enough sunscreen in the country to protect your porcelain skin.

    12. And you think that wearing white will make you look more tan.

    13. When people call you "pasty" a little part of you dies inside.

    14. And no one will ever, ever understand. Except for your fellow pale-kin.

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