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A Politician Was Hit In The Face With A Dildo And He Seemed To Take It Pretty Well

As well as anyone could take a dildo in the face.

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Here is New Zealand's Economic Development Minister Steven Joyce during a press conference. He's speaking on behalf of NZ Prime Minister John Key in Waitangi.

Waitangi is the traditional place of celebration for New Zealand’s national day which takes place annually on February 6 and marks the signing of the Treaty of Waitangi. The treaty, which heralded a declaration of British sovereignty over New Zealand, was signed by representatives of the British Crown and a group of northern chiefs in 1840. Waitangi Day has since become contentious for some Māori, and since 1971 people have protested against race relations within New Zealand, as well as the loss of Māori land.
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Waitangi is the traditional place of celebration for New Zealand’s national day which takes place annually on February 6 and marks the signing of the Treaty of Waitangi. The treaty, which heralded a declaration of British sovereignty over New Zealand, was signed by representatives of the British Crown and a group of northern chiefs in 1840. Waitangi Day has since become contentious for some Māori, and since 1971 people have protested against race relations within New Zealand, as well as the loss of Māori land.

So Joyce is discussing things with the press when a protestor arrives and picks a very unique way to show their disapproval: throwing a big ol' dildo at his face.

One News

What follows is a frame-by-frame breakdown of the moments that preempted, and followed, the dildo being thrown.

1. Notice the woman in the centre of the frame. She has seen the dildo being thrown. She is confused. No one is sure of what's happening yet.

2. In this frame, we can see the first signs of a dildo being thrown. The woman from the previous frame has now taken her attention towards Steven Joyce's face, probably anticipating the dildo hitting it.

The long haired blonde woman, now in the centre of frame, is curious as to what's about to occur.
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The long haired blonde woman, now in the centre of frame, is curious as to what's about to occur.

3. Now, the dildo is very much incoming. Reporters are baffled. The man standing next to Steven Joyce, whoever he is, has his view completely obscured by the dildo.

4. This is the last frame before the dildo makes contact. Notice the blonde woman in the centre of frame has done nothing to stop the dildo. She has not moved. But she is probably very, very, confused.

5. The dildo has landed.

6. Repeat: the dildo has landed.

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7. After hitting Steven Joyce's face, the dildo bends, a slave to gravity, physics, and force. Everyone else involved in the scene has maintained their original expressions.

8. Steven Joyce is taken aback, as would most be when struck in the face with a dildo. No one appears all that concerned just yet, probably because they are stunned into silence.

9. Now we see the first signs of concern. Steven Joyce himself looks down, a mixture of displeasure and disgust upon his face. The blonde lady in the background looks rather shocked.

10. The dildo itself has almost left the screen. The man to the right of Steven Joyce has begun moving towards the perpetrator. The reporter behind the camera on the left of the frame opens her mouth.

11. Everyone in the frame is now aware of two things. 1) Economic Development Minister Steven Joyce has been hit in the face with a dildo, and 2) the person who did it is literally a metre away from them.

12. We cut to the perpetrator, who smiles and holds up her hands, ready to be arrested.

Perhaps she anticipated this result upon thinking about throwing the dildo.
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Perhaps she anticipated this result upon thinking about throwing the dildo.

Here is the complete event in gif form:

This is an extremely unfortunate gif

And here is the video:

View this video on YouTube

youtube.com

Steven Joyce really seems pretty OK with the whole thing.

Someone send the gif over to John Oliver so we can get it over with..