1. CHECK THE TURBULENCE FORECAST!
FOR THE LOVE OF GOD. This is one of the most useful and easiest things you can do before stepping onto a plane. Turbcast is an app that you can buy for around $1.99. It analyses weather patterns and gives you a real heads up on that sneaky badass wind.
2. Take some meditation classes BEFORE you step on the plane.
I know, it’s cliché and terribly mocked - but meditation really is helpful when you find yourself feeling the sweats. As your knuckles start turning a new shade of white and your pupils dart into areas of your eyes you didn’t know you had, knowing how to breath to a slow beat and “ground yourself” really does help. Just make sure you practice a lot before the flight, so you can switch it on and off.
3. Think about EVERYONE on the flight.
No one wants to die. Well, pretty much no one. And that includes the pilot, cabin crew, and the 300 other passengers on the plane with you. Look around the cabin and take a look at people’s faces. You’ll find the majority look calm, relaxed and happy. Use this as motivation to feel the same way yourself.
4. Ditch the hardback and get yourself an audio book.
Choose something long. Not as long as Tolstoy’s War and Peace but long enough that it’ll help you zone out. There’s literally MILLIONS of options out there, and they’ll help you focus on something other than the fact you’re flying at 10,000 feet with nothing but steel, air and clouds between yourself and the ground.
5. Tell people.
If you happen to take your seat and you’re blessed with a ‘travel buddy,’ (someone who has to sit next to you) let them know about your affliction. Tell them how bad it is. Tell them the pain it causes. Tell them it’s worse than being stabbed with a spoon. Tell them everything. Sure, they might not appreciate you venting on them - but chances are you’ll never see them again after the flight. And it’ll make you feel a whole lot better.
7. Think about your destination and everything you can’t wait to do.
Think about Paris. Think about Disneyland. Think about the funeral you’re heading to. Whatever. Just think about your destination and the people you are going to see. Think about what they’re probably doing right now. I bet it’s something pretty far from shitting themselves on an airplane. Like you.
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