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    The Purpose Of Baby Explained By Non-Parents

    Until you're elbow deep in spit-up and poop, there's no reason why you would need to know what these baby products are for. But we let some of our favorite non-parents take a guess at what these baby products were to see what they could come up with. Spoiler alert: non-parents think everything is about breasts.

    "These all look like sex toys" ~ One friend who has thankfully not procreated

    I asked several of my friends without kids what they thought these baby products were for. After laughing, I actually wished that a "pacifier weaner" was a real thing. Here are their best guesses for all the products that a baby clearly needs.

    Mystery Baby Item # 1

    Amazon / Via

    Scotty: To me this looks like something that would apply some sort of fluid or something. Maybe its really fancy baby chapstick, or more likely, an applicator for diaper rash ointment. Other theories include some sort of thermometer, or maybe something for looking into ears.

    Diego: Looks like an ear thermometer?

    Julie: I'm pretty sure this is a baby Clarisonic

    Jessica: Agreed. Much like the Clarisonic for adults, this product, when used with Johnson & Johnson baby soap and water, will gently cleanse your baby. There are two settings, normal and extra gentle for those ticklish baby spots.

    Justin: It's a baby burper. You put it on the baby's back after feeding. It gently pulses, burping your baby.


    Mystery Baby Item # 2

    AMAZON / Via

    Jessica: It's some kind of Medicine Delivery System. You fill up the blue tube with the liquid medicine and then insert in baby's mouth. Then you gently blow it in from the red piece and the medicine goes into the baby's mouth.

    Scotty: My inappropriate guess is that this looks like a baby penis pump ("That's not mine, baby"). But my real guess is a boger sucker or ear gunk sucker. It looks like your mouth goes on the red end and then the blue end is used to keep the things that you suck from going into your mouth.

    Justin: This is a travel nipple pump, that's why it's small.

    Jessica: If it's a traveling milk pump, then where does the milk go? That doesn't make sense.


    Mystery Baby Item # 3

    amazon / Via

    Justin: This is a pacifier weaner. You give this to the baby when you're trying to wean them off a pacifier. That's why it has ridges in the middle.

    Diego: I think it has to be some kind of pump.

    Scotty: Someone else suggested it was a tampon applicator (the ridges don't look optimal), but I'm pretty sure that's not right. A bendy straw? Something for churning butter? I really have no idea on this one.

    Jessica: I think when you use those natural diapers, you need one of these to secure the cloth nappy to the baby. It's like a sari clip.


    Mystery Baby Item # 4

    AMAZON / Via

    Scotty: To me these look like baby bike seats. Also, they sort of look like wizard hats.

    Diego: Yeah, I'm not sure. Fancy Hershy's kiss wrappers?

    Jessica: No, I've totally seen one of these. It's a wee wee cover. You put it on the baby's man parts when you want to change him so you don't get a geyser of wee in your face.

    Justin: I disagree. This is a breast cover for when you're nursing out in public.

    Jessica: That's a sheet, I've seen them. You make everything about breasts.

    Justin: It's a baby product. It's always about breasts.

    Jessica: So, breast cover?

    Justin: Definitely, a breast cover.


    Mystery Baby Item # 5

    amazon / Via

    Justin: You fit this over the toilet and teach the little guy to poo over the toilet. This way though, he can't fall in. Unless it's a breast cover to protect you when the baby tries to grab you, his little hand slides off so he doesn't scratch you.

    Jessica: Again with the breasts. I think it's a pool floatie. You put the baby on top with his bottom in the hole, so the baby gets a little wet but can't sink in the water. Obviously, when you float the baby you're with the little person so he doesn't wiggle off.

    Scotty: I think I know that this one is because I think my sister and I had these when I was young and I remember them. I think it goes around the babies head and that way you can shampoo their hair without getting it in their eyes. Although as I remember they weren't perfect and we still got some in our eyes.

    Diego: Disagree. I'm going with lamp shade.


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