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11 Things The Last Two Days Of U.S.A. Hockey Have Felt Like

Twenty-eight hours ago, we were up 2-0 on the Canadian women's team. And then it all went to hell.

1. Wearing a lavender shirt and drinking wine in the middle of the day

2. Walking down a wet, empty road to nowhere

3. Staring out the window because everything is stupid

4. A bottomless pit

5. Sitting on a rocking chair in the Dust Bowl

6. Eating nothing but lettuce until you die

7. Having a penny

8. Losing your favorite penny

9. A pumpkin that threw up

10. Thinking for a long time about cardboard

11. An old mop

In summary, that sucked and sports are awful. Let's never watch sports again.