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The 15 Most Important Things About That "Magic Mike XXL" Poster

It's here, and it's great. Let's do a qualitative analysis of Channing Tatum's new movie poster.

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The poster for the Magic Mike sequel dropped last night, bringing mass hysteria and delighted choruses of "yaaaaaassssssss!" across the internet. The IMDb synopsis of the movie is a little bland ("The continuing story of male stripper, Magic Mike") so we broke the poster down to its key elements. Drink your fill.

1. "MMXXL"

Technically, it stands for Magic Mike XXL, but by abbreviating this rather unwieldy title, "Chanimal" does two things: 1) he makes it fit (heh), and 2) he makes it take on the implied classiness of Roman numerals (there is no such number as MMXXL, by the way). Add to that the fact that it's written in gold blocky caps, and the message is clear: This is world-class stripping, and you might learn something while he's rotating his crotch in your face.

2. The baseball cap

Iron Horse Entertainment/Warner Bros/Tom Phillips

Please understand, the cap is no accident; it is Channing's Patronus. Nothing bad can happen to him while he's wearing it. Remember in Step Up? Cap. Do you remember in Magic Mike, when he did that iconic "Pony" routine? Cap! Never take that cap off, Chan, even if it shields your eyes, and covers one ear. The cap is your superpower, and we love it.

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3. The lips

Iron Horse Entertainment/Warner Bros/Tom Phillips

Channing Tatum has a lovely mouth and he knows how to pout it (shout-out to that lower lip!). Note the delicate shadow cast by the baseball cap up top, making the lips stand out even more, like a startled bunny in a meadow.

4. The bandana

Iron Horse Entertainment/Warner Bros/Tom Phillips

This is my one quibble with this poster. Yes, a bandana around your neck conveys a dashing outlaw persona, but in this case it hides arguably Tatum's most recognisable, most bankable asset – DAT NECK, #DOE. Sort it out, Chan.

5. The biceps

No one ever thinks they're into muscles, until confronted by nicely shaped ones. Shoutout to nice muscles. Full points awarded.

6. The abs

Iron Horse Entertainment/Warner Bros/Tom Phillips

The top note here is: attainable. Hear me out – these are not the oiled-up, rippling, and severely ridged muscles of some bodybuilder at your local dodgy gym. You could get these abs (if you really wanted). Yes, you. It's not even a proper six-pack! These are abs of democracy. Channing is telling you: I'm just like you. I'm an everyman/everystripper. I put my tearaway jeans on one leg at a time.

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7. The pointing

Iron Horse Entertainment/Warner Bros/Tom Phillips

Double-barrelled pointing? CHANNING IS NOT FUCKING AROUND. He wants your attention, and he is demanding it. DOES HE HAVE YOUR ATTENTION? DOES HE?

8. The jeans

Mike is not a fancy man. He doesn't play games. He just wants to strip, and make you happy – and no one needs a tux for that. Remember: Real Men Wear Jeans, Especially When They're Stripping.

9. The thighs inside the jeans...

...are perfect. Next question.

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12. The stance

Iron Horse Entertainment/Warner Bros/Tom Phillips

It is a power stance. A stance of confidence, a position that suggests mastery. Of what? Of everything. He is master of all he can straddle. But he is especially masterful at stripping. Thank god.

13. The fabric bunching

The bunching of his jeans about his knees suggests this dude cares about style. Bet he creates a moodboard for each of his choreographed routines, just to make sure he stays true to his vision. He's an artist, and the importance of fabric drape is never to be underestimated.

14. The legs...

Iron Horse Entertainment/Warner Bros/Tom Phillips

...that fade into the gloaming at the bottom of the poster? Love it. As countless women's magazines have probably advised, this technique makes your legs look longer. Mission accomplished, Mike/Channing.

15. The colour scheme

Dark green of varying opacities? With accents of gold? I call this filter "Liberace Lite". This is important, eloquent, moody shit. ART.