Have Rudolph fitted with a new high-tech, laser-shooting nose.
Promote my new book, Fifty Shades of Mrs. Claus.
Move the toy workshop to China.
Then, give in to public pressure and hire
some regular-sized people to make the toys.
Get one of those new-fangled hybrid sleds.
Shave my beard…for a Gillette Fusion ProGlide Razor ad. (Cha-ching!)
Get Lap-Band surgery.
Encourage Prancer to finally come out of the reindeer closet.
(What do you expect with a name like Prancer?)
Get a tattoo of Mrs. Claus where no one will see it (wink, wink)
Encourage kids to use the Naughty or Nice App
instead of writing long, boring letters.
Introduce a new character:
Timothy the Polar Bear With A Lazy Eye
I’m getting too old for this crap.
What kids will see in the sky this year is a hologram…
meanwhile all the real work will be done by Amazon.