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1. A sweater with a functional stocking pocket that lets you hold things near and dear to your heart.
Promising review: “I’m so excited to wear this to an ugly sweater party! The stocking is super soft and has an inner pocket that’s high enough to function as a card or phone holder.” —Maiya
2. A Christmas sweatshirt that reminds us what this season is really about, and that’s T. rex Santa Godzilla shooting lightning out of its mouth while comets rain down from the skies.
Promising review: “I just won Christmas.” —TAXMAN1976
4. A sweater that gives it up for the guy who made it all possible.
Promising review: “I bought this for my 23-year-old daughter to wear for her Christmas card pic with her roommates. Her comment to me was, ‘I’m gonna wear the s*** out of this sweater for the entire month of December.’ Cool Mom Award comin’ my way.” —CJK
7. A Christmas sweater complete with tinsel-ball suspenders.
Promising review: “I won the ugly Christmas sweater contest this year. The cut was a little small.” —Theresa Danielle Driscoll
12. A next-level sweater with an iPad pouch for livestreaming the yule log channel.
Promising review: “This is the perfect ugly Christmas sweater for any geek wanting to make a splash at the next holiday party. Sure, there are uglier sweaters out there, but how many come with a live fireplace, crackling sound, and a lightup garland on the mantel? Not many.” —CaesarTheDay
14. A sweater for anyone trying to avoid bullshit this holiday season.
Promising review: “My first name is Felicia, so when I saw this sweater I HAD to have it. The only thing I don’t like about it is that when Christmas is over I have to wait another year to wear it again. Whomp whomp.” —TheNotoriousMOM
15. These Christmas pullovers that keep it Fresh.
Promising review: “My sister loved the product! Makes a great Christmas gift! The picture stands out and is a very high-quality image and not blurry at all! Any Will Smith fan with love you forever if you buy them this sweater.” —DankTips
17. A Chanukah sweater filled with Chappiness.
Promising review: “It’s a little bigger than I expected, but people don’t even notice that it’s a little too long when you have such happy dancing dreidels on your torso.” —B. Bito
21. A Christmas knit with an alternative ending.
Promising review: “It’s my firm belief that Christmas isn’t gory enough, so imagine my surprise when I discovered this little gem. Fits well, soft and cozy, annoys the right relatives.” —Thaddeus and Amanda
26. A cozy sweater for creationists.
Promising review: “It’s the best Christmas sweater ever. It has dinosaurs, religious history, attention to detail, and is really comfortable. If you need to be the flyest guy at your Christmas party, get it.” —Danger
29. This gift to mankind.
Promising review: “This sweater is so ugly. When people don’t understand the concept and want to compliment me, they say something like, ‘Oh wow your sweater is so festive!’ Festive = Ugly. Great success.” —JNF
The reviews for this post have been edited for length and clarity.
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