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    • ibtiamat

      Dear Me, Congratulations in reaching your teen years and sticking it through, you are now 14 and made it through most of middle school. You might be moving in location but you are also moving on as a person, growing. You will find yourself relocating with your mother in Texas at your sister’s house. You will still go through horrible episodes of depression and anxiety but don’t worry, there is the right medication for that. At this new middle school you will meet girls around your age that are openly bisexual or at least bi-curious, you will be both embarrassed and intrigued and that is okay, you don’t have to say anything to them, just laugh and make as many friends as you can, and yes, you should have told that Bianca girl that you like her and should have gotten to know her much more, but you promised you would never forget her and you’ve kept that promise, you will see that you like it there in San Antonio but you still want to go back to Oklahoma, so follow your mom because you still have a bit of separation anxiety from when you were little. Once you get back to OK you will have to go back to your old middle school (and yes you did have a huge crush on your Algebra teacher, you will still think she is pretty sexy even when you are in college!) you will hate the thought but trust me it is better there now! Throughout your grade school career you will develop these fuzzy feelings like you have a crush on someone with a few of your female friends, you DO have a crush on them that that is okay! Don’t freak out, just go with the flow. You will also have a lot of crushes on boys but you are too socially anxious to tell anyone how you feel, especially during your Sophomore year. OhmyGod, Beth, maybe you should have kissed her! But every time you think about it you’re mind goes to a dark place, that you will lose your friend but you are SO SURE she is really into you as well! You will find that she was really the first female you fell in love with and still to this day, even as a matured college student, are in love with her; BUT, you told God that you will wait before making any big decisions like kissing girls that may or may not be in love with you, do it the right way and wait for either her or someone else who is better, I am sure she is out there, but in the mean time just have some fun, but just a warning that fun will get you into a lot of emotional pain your first year of college! It is alright, it is not permanent, some women are just complete psychos but you lived and loved and learned from the experiences. NOTE: You’ve been single going on 2 years for a reason, college, and trying to get a life, can’t add a partner just yet! So, you will actually come out to a selected few of your family members as a lesbian, because you were so sure that sexual orientations don’t fluctuate or evolve, that you will always be a woman who was only attracted to women; that’s alright, lesson learned, right now as of 2015 you are just labeled as Queer…in sexual AND gender orientation, you don’t have to explain it to everyone. So you are a genderfluid panromantic gyne-skoliosexual, just tell people to Google it or something and they will learn why you just say you are queer.  And God DOES love you! He created you for a purpose! I still may not know what for yet but I know it is going to be big! Ignore the haters, they have their own issues, it is not your issue! I know ignoring is hard and at age 22 I am still trying to ignore the people that do not matter but we will get there, you’ll see. Just remember GOD LOVES YOU MORE THAN ANYONE ON EARTH WILL EVER KNOW! You might not love yourself now, but trust me, you will little by little each year,
      LOVE, Me.

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