1. Cliff-jumping into the ocean? Meh...more like hopping down from the sidewalk into a puddle.
2. There isn't anything interesting to see when you dive underwater.
3. And a lot less above the surface of the water.
4. A guinea chick on your dinner plate between September and March? Pass!
5. The local color palette is very mundane.
6. Who would want to tee up here? Amirite?
7. Honestly, who would be able to relax in this setting?
8. Their national drink, a dark 'n' stormy, is absolutely not refreshing or thirst-quenching.
9. Hey, Bermuda! Kites are for little kids and people trying to explore electricity...not surfing!!
10. Fashion in Bermuda looks sooooo uncomfortable.
11. Bonfires? On the beach? At night? Pshhh...being indoors in front of a candle during the day sounds so much better.
12. Thousands of mesmerizing whales breaching in March and April? Big whoop!
13. And lastly, the Bermuda pink sand beaches...subpar at best.
All pictures courtesy of Bermuda Tourism.