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10 Ways To Live A Dramatic Life

Everyone says they're looking for someone "drama" free as if everyday is an episode of Maury. Below are the top 10 ways to ensure you forgo society's desire to live a drama free life and face more ish than the love child of Lindsay Lohan and Miley Cyrus, who's clearly the dude in this scenario. #nomoredrama

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1. Involve other people who have nothing to do with the situation


So we all run into a bit of drama. It happens. But to keep that drama swirling like the fires from the seventh ring of hell, a sure bet is to invite someone else, or a couple of someone elses, to the show.

2. Remember, you are the victim first and foremost


Why even pretend its your fault. You're the victim here, right? If you want to keep those dramatic flames burning bright, take up permanent residence at the corner of Accountability and Foregone in Victimhood county where personal responsibility and agency are mythological creatures like fairies and nymphs.

3. The best kind of aggression is passive aggression


Why bother engaging the issue directly when back-handed comments and subversive measures are so much easier? Boys and Girls, Drama only finds more fodder for its ravenous fire when you bait the flames with passive aggressiveness. Pull up your big boy and big girl huggies and clear the air.

4. Never ever confront the issue head on


This one goes hand-in-hand with number 3. Drama is nurtured when you bury, deny, or ignore it. Keeping drama at bay means facing it head on whether that means having a "come to Jesus" with someone else or yourself. Squelch those flames directly.


5. Remember, your side is always the right side


Don't even bother getting all the facts. Fact checking, proofreading, and second guessing yourself are so middle school English. A dramatic life thrives when you know you're right and can't be budged on the issue. Emotional and logical petrification or even solidification are absolutely necessary. A drama-filled life deals in absolutes; you're either right or wrong and if you're saying it, it must be right. Can't argue that, right!?

6. Believe that all criticism is meant to hurt you


How can someone critique perfection? They must be jealous and if they're jealous they must be trying to hurt you, nevermind all the proof to the contrary. For the dramatic, criticism serves one purpose and one purpose only, to attack and wound your ego. The life dramatic dictates that any kind of criticism must be perceived as a personal attack and cannot be tolerated. If it hurts your feelings it's not a valid thought. Just like all the terribly painful medical procedures you may have had to endure, clearly they served to make you a weaker person.

7. Never ever take ownership for the role you've played


As was established in rule number 2, you're the victim. You're the one who's been hurt here. How can you be held responsible? It's not your fault. "If Jessica wouldn't have done or said what she did or said, then none of this would be happening." The person living a dramatic life is a master of the false syllogism, backwards or irrational logic. It takes two to tango and chances are you played your part admirably. Take a bow and have a seat.

8. Apologizing is essentially admitting defeat, and you're not a loser, don't apologize


I'm the one who's owed the apology. I've done nothing wrong and I stand by that claim. Why can't they see my side of things? My feelings are hurt. Didn't you hear what s/he said/did to me? An egocentric life is part and parcel of a dramatic one.

9. Your experience is the only one that really matters, never lose sight of that


In a dramatic life, egocentricity is like the sun to our solar system, it feeds, gives life, energy, and purpose to its existence. Breaking free of its black hole-like pull means daring to take the empathetic focus off of you and placing it on someone or something else.

10. The only opinions worth listening to are the ones that are in agreement with your own


As discovered by Irving Janis, groupthink is a powerful tool that can keep the drama fueled way past its expiration date. All it takes is for one other person to cosign your dramatic foolishness for you to feel vindicated, validated, and ready to prolong a dying and beleaguered dramaturgy.

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