1. Bill Murray kicked an unprecedented array of ass at the Pebble Beach Golf Tournament this weekend.
2. Here is how he did it with noble cadence:
3. Bill Murray became a cuss of a Scottish farmer for the first day of the tournament.
4. He crushed putts and celebrated like, “What now, you lumpish boar-pig?”
5. Producing this silhouette that could make Ansel Adams cry.
6. He was calling the pitch like an unmuzzled cricket umpire.
7. Like a hedge-born beast on the green.
8. He wore this railtrain conductor’s cap for one tottering, onion-eyed cameraman to gasp at.
9. He took a break on a cockered volunteer’s lap.
10. He signed one mammering fan’s face with great prejudice.
11. He masterfully kicked a football held by one dog-hearted NFL player, Harris Barton.
12. Of course, he made it with miles to spare.
13. He found a bucket of hats. Guess what he did with them?
14. He threw them to plume-plucked fans.
15. “And you get a hat vassal, and you get a hat…”
16. His existence is full of breathless win.
17. He sat on the ground to sign personalized autographs for these tickle-brained children who probably held insufficient knowledge of his greatness.
18. He gloriously drove these balls directly into our surly hearts.
19. Bill Murray, one swag-bellied apple-john of a man.
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