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17 Fucking Infuriating Things That Happen In Every Porno

"Five seconds later they're bareback fucking with vegetable oil."

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We recently asked members of the BuzzFeed Community to tell us what happens in every porno that annoys them the most. Here's what they said...

1. "The good old plumber scenario. No one watches porn for groundbreaking narratives but a little exposition wouldn't hurt."

Via giphy.com

"10 seconds in: 'Oh hi, thanks for coming, the sink is this way.'

10.5 seconds in: *housewife is getting banged on the dishwasher by plumber, plumber's friend, and her stepson*"

dualistpirate

2. "None of the lesbians I know scissor, like ever."

MTV

"Most women try it once, realise it's not very enjoyable for anyone, and then spend the rest of their life explaining to straight people that that isn't what lesbian sex is like."

kaitlyndv

3. The goddamn soundtrack.

Paramount

"The music is cringe worthy. All I can see is a strong 1970's porno moustache eating a taco."

alysslovesyou

4. Two dicks and a baseball bat.

Comedy Central

"I find it funny in gay porn when someone is "straight" and either acts like a douche or a scared and innocent thing, but after being easily persuaded, it turns out they have a perfectly shaved, tanned, and bleached butt, and are taking two dicks and a baseball bat at once."

tebanc

5. "When the pizza delivery man shows up but no one eats the pizza."

Via giphy.com

"Tragic."

modeniahuegel

6. "Straight porn is made with the male gaze in mind, but what about the female gaze?"

Fox

"I'm (regrettably, believe me) a super straight lady, and I'm always frustrated by the hyper-focus on the woman's body. I always wanted to see more shots of the guy enjoying himself - his face, his body language, etc. Most of the porn I find seems to be made up largely of shots where the woman takes up 80% of the frame and 95% of the audio (which tends to be obnoxious moans of fake pleasure), while the guy is just a disembodied crotch. I can't help but notice, too, that POV shots are always from the man's point of view, and rarely from the woman's. Ladies can like trashy porn as much as men can, and we don't necessarily need it to be touchy-feely, soft-lit, plot-based, and romantic."

amazingrando

7. When it goes from 0-100 real quick.

Via giphy.com

"I hate when an entire plot is missing. Like some guy is late for work and it just fades into him shoving balls down his throat with a nine incher in his booty butt hole. Like? What happened?"

misskewtya

8. Back. The. Fuck. Up.

—whatthe3825

9. Those noises.

Netflix

"Dudes that sound like they're taking a massive dump when they're either receiving oral or cumming, and women who sound like they're having the best orgasm ever from giving oral."

shunter6589

10. The rebound fuck.

Vertical Entertainment

"How a gay guy comforts his straight friend who just broke up with his gf, and five seconds later they're bareback fucking with vegetable oil and the flat end of a paddle."

spencerr41f4e4237

11. "When the actors look at the camera."

NBC

"All I'm thinking is "don't worry about me, just pay attention to what you're doing!"

saffronkitten

12. The commentary.

Columbia

"'Yes daddy ooh yeah fuck this pussy' literally nobody talks like that please shut the entire fuck up."

misskewtya

13. When they take it out of the butt and put it somewhere else.

Via giphy.com

"During anal scenes, when they switch from anal sex to vaginal or oral sex. NO. I don't care how well you douched, it is unhygienic and you are asking for a bacterial infection. I used to work at an adult shop and I can't tell you how many times I needed to explain this to people that were introducing anal play into their relationship. Yes, I know it happens in porn. But really, truly...don't try it at home."

t446b995eb

14. "Guys ALWAYS get a blowjob first."

Universal

"Because they have such a hard time getting aroused."

greenzoe

15. Unrealistic anal expectations.

Via giphy.com

"The worst thing is the faking. A 9 inch pecker going dry into your poop shoot doesn't feel good."

oliviavincentk

16. What about the aftermath?

Bravo

"I think it would be more realistic if everyone turned on Netflix and ordered a pizza after."

emilyl4cdaf24ea

17. And don't forget about the milk!

Via giphy.com

"I was watching this one porno and this female was about to make a bowl of cereal when her boyfriend came in the kitchen. They then ran upstairs, leaving the unfinished bowl of cereal and milk out on the counter. I couldn't even enjoy myself. All I kept thinking about was that the milk was still out!"

1pigsfly

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