back to top

19 Tweets That Prove British Police Are The Best On Twitter

Who knew police were low-key funny?

Posted on

1. When they made this fantastic moped pun.

22.50pm - Male riding moped Princess St found to have no insurance and now has noped

2. When they attended a late-night 999 call.

1am 999 from taxi driver in NQ; drunk woman jumped in taxi and wont get out. She's heard shouting "what they gonna do, arrest me?" We did...

3. When they tried to correct a mistake but instead just dug themselves a hole. clarify, we think it's the top half thats naked, so 'rather large' refers to torso rather than anything bottom half

4. When they weren't sure what "nearly" meant.

It must be the warm weather. 2.40am call to couple "nearly having sex" Corporation St before getting in cab. Not sure what "nearly" means?

5. When they got into some cheeky banter.

@NandosUK @ProperDM That's peri peri naughty, that is

6. When they lent props for a photo op but it just turned to shit.

Cop regrets lending helmet to hen party for photo Deansgate Locks, after it fell off bride-to-be's head into canal

7. When they were only trying to return lost items to their rightful owners.

If you left 14 snaps bags of weed on windowsill of college on Whitworth St today, don't worry, it's safe with us. By all means get in touch

8. When they found a homeless man with a rather nice painting in his possession.

Anyone had this painting go overnight? Homeless man 5am told us he had 'acquired it' overnight, to hang in his tent.

9. And weren't buying his story.

...he wasn't very convicing, so we're just checking if anyone's got a blank space on a wall where this painting used to be

10. When they weren't down for entertaining bored people.

999 call at 8pm last night from man in phone box Granby Row who asked us to come and arrest him "because he's bored." We didn't go.

11. When they knew how expensive football stickers actually were.

Shopliftings today inc man who stole 3 whole boxes of football stickers worth £150. And we reckon that's still not enough to fill an album..

12. When they were 100% certain they'd seen Batman.

Amongst animal welfare protestors today was a Batman. He's apparently just left the city on a bus, so might not be the actual, real Batman

13. When they received the call we all want to make after visiting the hairdresser.

Just had a phone call into the office. Someone complaining they've had their hair cut, don't like it, and want us to sort it

14. When they were patrolling the city and spotted Jaws.

City cop certain they spotted a shark in Deansgate Locks today

15. When they spotted a pair of plimsolls outside their HQ.

Just found these at HQ front door. Seems someone couldn't wait to part with our not very trendy custody plimsolls

16. But knew hipsters would appreciate them under different circumstances.

17. When they made this terrific joke any dad would be proud of.

Report of swan on the loose on Mancunian Way earlier today. We sent our finest, but no trace. Already swanned off?

18. And finally, when they revealed they're just like you and me.

Insp S - after 7 long late afternoon/night shifts covering Response/999 across North Manchester, it had to be done: