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    Posted on Sep 22, 2015

    22 Things Your Sarcastic Inner Voice Wants To Say

    We're British, we don't say this stuff out loud.

    1. When the bus is clearly full but that one person tries to jump on anyway:


    You look out of the window but your Jiminy Cricket is like, "That was a brilliant idea. Everybody on the lower deck appreciates the will and determination you've just shown."

    2. When you ask for sweet popcorn at the cinema and the guy hands you salted with a smile on his face:

    20th Television

    You take the popcorn and regret everything for the entirety of the movie while inwardly thinking, "Gee, thanks for listening."

    3. When someone sits in your reserved seat on the train:


    You say nothing and move on, but inside you're saying, "No that's fine, you stay sitting there. I'm sure there's space on the floor for me somewhere."

    4. When you text your crush and they take three days to reply (if they reply at all):

    Warner Bros / Via

    You smile at your phone and accept the facts, but inside you're saying, "Being met with silence is my greatest pastime."

    5. When someone spills your drink in the club and doesn't even say sorry:


    You nod to show you accept the circumstances, but a little voice inside is saying, "That's fine, I only spent a fiver on this beer so I could wear it anyway."

    6. When you're out for dinner with friends and you owe £37 but someone's like, "Oh, may as well round that up to £40":


    You grit your teeth and agree but inside you're like, "Yeah of course. Let's just round it up to £50 and be done with it."

    7. When someone pushes in the queue:


    You look at the floor to avoid confrontation, but your inner monologue is like, "Yes, we are all standing in this line for the good of our own health. Please, continue as you were."

    8. When you walk into a shop and the person serving you has an attitude problem:

    Warner Bros

    On the outside you take the bag politely, while your inner monologue says, "This is exactly why I'll be coming back again and again."

    9. When your flatmate drinks the last of the milk and doesn't bother to replace it:


    You go to work hungry while thinking, "I guess I'll just eat my Coco Pops dry from now on, how nutritious."

    10. When you whisper something to a friend in a lecture and they say the idea like it was theirs:


    You shrug it off but really you're saying, "Wow, what a good idea. I am in awe of your intelligence."

    11. When you hold the door open for somebody and they walk right on through without saying thank you:


    Outwardly you do nothing but accept this lack of manners, while on the inside you're saying, "Yeah no problem, anytime."

    12. When a lady uses her pram as a battering ram to get down the street:

    20th Television

    You apologise for being in her way but inwardly, you've reached an epiphany; "So ~that's~ why people have kids, why on Earth did I not think of that before?"

    13. When you sneeze and nobody blesses you:

    Warner Bros

    On the outside, you sneeze again to make a point while your inner monologue is like, "Thanks guys, much appreciated."

    14. When you cut or dye your hair and none of your friends mention it:


    On the outside, you continue life as it were because this isn't a big deal, but inside it is a big deal and you're like, "I clearly matter the most to all of you."

    15. When your friend says he's five minutes away and 15 minutes later you're still there waiting:


    On the outside you're just sat awkwardly trying to avoid eye contact with strangers, but inside you're saying, "Take all the time you need, I'm really enjoying this."

    16. When somebody is bare-faced lying to you:


    You smile and nod along but on the inside, you're like, "Oh is that so? Please continue to tell these truths."

    17. When someone starts talking to you with their mouth full:


    To save pointing it out and making it awkward for everybody, you just look at your plate while thinking, "Seeing that half-chewed cow in your mouth was the dessert I really wanted."

    18. When your alarm has the nerve to go off at an ungodly hour:

    Logo TV

    You groan and hit the snooze button but your inner voice is like, "Your soothing tones are the highlight of my morning."

    19. When you're at the cinema and somebody won't stop talking throughout:


    You sit still hoping someone else will call them out, but in your head you're saying, "The commentary you're giving is extremely relevant to what we are watching here."

    20. When you're absolutely starving but then remember there's nothing in the fridge to eat:


    You sit on the sofa and put on a brave face but inside you're like, "It's OK, I wasn't even hungry."

    21. When your parents tell you to do the dishes:


    You start running the taps, but your inner monologue is like, "I had no idea slave labour was included in the duties of a child."

    22. When you suddenly realise your inner monologue is way too sarcastic:

    FremantleMedia Enterprises

    On the outside you vow to make a change, but on the inside you're like, "No change is needed here."

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