15 Of The Pettiest People Who Will Make You Up Your Petty Game
In the name of petty we pray, amen.
1. The ditched girlfriend.
One time my boyfriend ditched me to hang out with his friends, so I sent him a picture of a positive pregnancy test I found online. The look on his face when I told him it was fake was priceless.
2. The dick GIF.
There was a lady that couldn't operate her PC properly and I got called to her office daily for mundane tasks. I must have shown her how to cut and paste half a dozen times alone, then she'd act like I was the stupid one. She was always rambling on about her church and how their PC couldn't catch viruses like ours because it was protected by Jesus. One day after being called up for the umpteenth time, I slipped in a GIF of a huge, flaccid cock and balls covered in genital warts. It popped onto her screen for a minute and then deleted itself. She was then convinced that her PC was possessed by Satan and demanded its removal immediately.
– Robert Finne, via Facebook
3. The pepper grinder.
One time I got a bunny without asking my parents and they made it live at my friend's house because they didn’t want it. So since I was mad, I took some of the bunny poop and put it in my parents' pepper grinder.
4. The spoiler texts.
Me and my ex broke up and he decided that he was going to be mean to me every chance he got. We were both watching The Blacklist, but I had already finished season two while he was still on episode three or four, so I decided to send him a long and informed text message detailing every possible thing that happened in the second season. I kept sending him texts because I forgot things that happened, so in the end it was about four or five texts. He still hasn’t spoken to me.
5. The Christian websites.
The guy I was dating broke up with me because I’m not straight (I’m bi) and he “doesn’t believe in LGBT rights”. So I told a bunch of his friends that he couldn’t get an erection unless you called him your lord and saviour and had Christian rock music playing in the background. On top of that, I signed him up for email subscriptions to Christian websites so he’s constantly getting emails from them.
6. The surprise semester.
It was nearing the end of the semester and my boyfriend of over a year decided to end things over text because he “wasn’t feeling it” anymore. I was a little pissed. The next day, I turned on my computer to see my ex was still logged in to his university account, so I changed all of his classes for the next semester and never changed them back.
7. The book ripper.
My younger brother stole my first Harry Potter book. When I went to steal it back, he told our mum it was his, even though I got it for Christmas and my name was in it. She, of course, believed him because he’s the youngest. So I snuck into his room and cut out every page of that book. If I couldn’t read it, no one could.
8. The wrong answers.
This kid, who was known for cheating from whoever he sat next to during a test, tried to look at my answers. So knowing he didn’t have an eraser on his pencil, I put all the wrong answers on my test, gave him some time to look at it, then changed my answers. I got 96% and he got 37%.
9. The Elmo app.
When my husband pisses me off, I download the "Elmo's ABCs" app onto his phone. It’s a huge app and can be set to give loud, obnoxious alerts every five minutes. It’s been almost six months, and he’s taken his phone in for service twice because he thinks it's just stuck on his phone. He has no idea that I’m just re- downloading it.
– Emmay Friedenson, via Facebook
10. The incompetent parker.
My husband and I ran into a place to get some ice cream and when we got out, we found some SUV parked so close to us that I couldn’t open my door. While I waited for my husband to pull out of the space so I could get in the car, I used my finger to write “asshole” on the hood of the SUV in ice cream.
11. The hidden dishes.
My ex-husband let his cousin stay with us for a while. No one ever washed the dishes and they expected me to do it. So I stopped washing them for a month. I let them go through every dish we had. His ignorant cousin even ate out of my baby’s bowl. When all the dishes were dirty, I washed them, boxed them up, and stuck the box under my bed.
12. The spurned ex.
My ex broke up with me, so I stole the remote control to his TV. Try to relax while watching TV and having to get up every time to change the channel or turn up the volume.
– Alexandria Sullivan, via Facebook
13. The loud walker.
I put cat shit in the dryer with my downstairs neighbour's clothes because he complained that I walked around my apartment too much.
14. The bathroom essentials.
After a fight with my now ex, I left for the night to stay at my parents' house. I made sure to take the toothpaste and all the toilet paper in the house with me.
– Melissa Griffith, via Facebook
15. The punching bag.
My dad built me a nice punching bag stand in our garage. Not even two weeks after he’d built it, his things slowly started piling up underneath it. By the time a month passed, it was unusable due to the amount of stuff that had gotten put in front or under it. When I asked him about it, he said that if I wanted to use it, I could move his crap myself. So while he was at work, I put all of his stuff in his parking spot. When he got home, he couldn’t park. He came inside and asked me why there was a bunch of stuff in his spot, to which I replied if he wanted to use his parking spot, he could move his stuff himself. I got grounded but it was worth it.