1.When you're a passenger in the car and your friend accidentally tries to move your dick into fourth gear.
2.When you're doing the pole vault and you don't even need to use the pole because your dick has got it covered.
3.When you go to the theatre and Jack climbs your dick because he thinks it's the beanstalk.
4.When an elderly person mistakes it for their walking stick because it's so bloody massive.
5.When you try to go on holiday but your dick exceeds the carry-on limit.
6.When you're walking down the street and people keep telling you it's rude to point.
7.When getting an erection brings you closer to god because your dick basically reaches the high heavens.
8.When you step into a lift designed to hold 13 people and it says, "Lift overloaded."
9.When you go swimming and somebody mistakes your dick for a float.
10.When someone's trying to flirt with you but gets distracted and says, "Dick and chill" instead.
11.When the coastguard hangs a lantern on the end of your dick and says, "We've always needed a lighthouse."
12.When you try to send a dick pic on Snapchat but it detects a face and makes it look like you're ejaculating rainbows.
13.When you open the door on Halloween and a surprised mother has a Freudian slip and says, "Dick or treat?"
14.When you're in the park with your friends and they decide to use your dick for the crossbar challenge because there's no goalposts around.
15.When you're running away from a psycho killer, trip over your own dick, and die as a result.
16.When you tuck your dick between your legs and hook it back up so it looks like your bellend is a little birdie on your shoulder but nobody finds the funny side and everything's just a little awkward because you thought it was hilarious.
17.When you pass out in the middle of Tesco because you got an erection and all that dick uses a lot of blood.
18.When you're trying to tag a group picture but Facebook keeps trying to tag your dick because it knows it might not be a person but it has feelings all the same.
19.When it rains and somebody's like, "God's taking a piss" and your friend think he's being funny by pointing at you and saying, "Nah, it's just him."
20.When you leave the house and it's a warm day but suddenly it gets cold and you use your dick as a scarf to protect you from the breeze but everybody starts tutting because they're probably just jealous.
21.When you lay down in a public park and people start taking pictures because they think it's part of the skyline.
22.When you put it on your head and tell everybody unicorns are real but nobody believes you.
23.When somebody asks if that's a phone in your pocket or if you're just happy to see them but you have to explain that although it is your dick, you're not overly happy to see them, it's just a monster that can't be hidden.