Pete Davidson Dragged Ariana Grande For "Spray-Painting Herself Brown" And Talking About Him In Vogue
"My career would be over tomorrow if I spray-painted myself brown and hopped on the cover of Vogue magazine."
Pete Davidson's new stand-up comedy special, Alive From New York, has just dropped on Netflix and, as expected, he name-dropped Ariana Grande more than once.
To kick things off, the SNL comedian first joked that Ariana had made him famous and a household name, before claiming that he wasn't actually going to mention her at all. But then he heard that she'd called him and their relationship a "distraction" and changed his mind.
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In a 2019 interview with Vogue, the "7 Rings" singer opened up about their relationship, saying: "I met Pete, and it was an amazing distraction. It was frivolous and fun and insane and highly unrealistic, and I loved him, and I didn't know him."
The couple dated over the summer in 2018, having their first date, getting engaged, and breaking up all in the space of five months.
"Can you imagine if I did that?" Pete said of the interview. "My career would be over tomorrow. If I spray-painted myself brown and hopped on the cover of Vogue magazine and just started shitting on my ex."
After the Vogue cover was revealed, there were ripples on social media as people accused Ariana of wearing makeup that was too dark.
Pete's savage remark received an audibly shocked reaction from the audience. He went on: "Can you imagine if I did that shit? If I was just like, 'Yeah, I was just fucking her 'cause I was bored, and then Fortnite came out.' It would be insane."
"Something had to happen to her. There had to be some repercussions, right?" Pete continued. "No, she won Billboard's Woman of the Year and I got called butthole eyes."
While the pair were dating, Barstool Sports tweeted the insult aimed at Pete. At the time, Ariana jumped in to defend him, saying: "Y'all do know this man has an autoimmune disease, right? Like you do understand what you're doing when you do this right? Just wanna make sure."
Pete was diagnosed with Crohn's disease when he was a teenager.
Pete's jokes also took aim at Ariana's fans as he went on: "I don't want any smoke, OK? My biggest fear is I'm gonna get a shot in the back of the head by a 9-year-old with a ponytail, and the last thing I'm gonna hear is 'hashtag cancelled'."
Pete went on to joke that Ariana had ruined Starbucks for him because of her last name and also spoke about the success of her breakup anthem "Thank U, Next", which name-dropped the comedian.
Pete said: "That song came out and my friends were like, 'Bro, I love you. I love you, right? Shit is catchy. Shit is very catchy. You're gonna have a rough eight months. I'm sorry. I actually happen to like the song.'"
He added: "My grandpa said — he goes, 'It’s a slap. Peter, it's a slap. I'm really sorry. It's a good song and I don't even listen to that shit.'"
Before changing the subject, Pete also slated Ariana for talking publicly about his manhood, something which ended up becoming a meme and coining the term "big dick energy".
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"I don't like that she talked all this shit on, like, behalf of my dick. I thought that was super weird," Pete said. "Can you imagine if I said that shit? Can you imagine if I was like, 'Sorry, it didn't work out. Nice pussy, though!'?"
"I didn't like it because it's just simply not true. She has little hands. Everything's fucking huge to her," he continued, recycling a joke from a 2018 Howard Stern interview.
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"It was a fucking joke the entire time we were together," Pete added. "I was like, 'Huge to you, but small to everyone else. This rocks!'"
A couple of days before the Netflix special aired, Pete confirmed in an interview that Ariana was going to be the punchline for some of his jokes, saying that she had a "fair run" at giving her side of the story.
"Stand-up's a part of my life. That was a highly publicized thing. I feel like she got her fair run and her fair stab at it," Pete told Charlamagne Tha God. "I don't have social media and I don't really have an outlet to express my feelings. So stand-up's just how I do it. And I just have some jokes about it."