15 Annoying Questions About Open Relationships, And How To Respond To Them

No, you can't just join in.

We asked people in open relationships from the BuzzFeed Community what questions they were tired of hearing, and got two relationship experts to give their professional insight.

Sam Owen is a relationship coach, psychologist, author, and TV relationship expert based in Cheshire. James Preece is a top dating expert, coach, and author based in London.

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Sam says: "Are you only capable of being loyal and committed to one family member, to one friend and to one colleague? One of the best responses to ignorant questions is to ask questions in return that get people to think about how silly their question is and that force them to think about the answer for themselves."

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James says: "It's not cheating if you are both happy with the arrangement. Most couples have certain rules they both need to stick to."

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James advises not letting mutual friends join in – "It just gets too complicated and messy."

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Sam says: "It seems there are some major misconceptions about what an open relationship entails and this is likely indicative of how underground it still is in many ways."

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James says: "As long as everyone stays safe then this is not going to be a major concern."

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James says: "It's usually the opposite – the best way they can think of to strengthen their relationship and stay together."

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James says: "Just because you enjoy having sex doesn't mean you can't be married."

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James does not see this question as a problem. "As long as they both return to each other and continue to be happy with the arrangement then all will be fine."

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Sam says you could spin this question back to the asker – "How do you know your partner is?"

James says that "The secret is lots of communication and respect."

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James says: "This isn't something that happens very much. Open relationships are usually about quick flings rather than long relationships with others."

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Sam says: "The person asking the question seemingly can't conceive of someone who would choose this path if they truly valued their own worth. If this question really angers you, it might be because deep-down you feel they have hit the nail on the head. Just because you have experienced open-relationships doesn't necessarily mean it's for you. Just be honest with yourself about why you're indulging these sorts of relationships and what your ideal would be."

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James thinks the opposite, saying, "If you find someone who is content to let you go off and experiment with other partners, then it's a rare person indeed."

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James says that he thinks an open relationship is all about experimentation. He suggests, "It's an adventure and they'll take one thing at a time."

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James says: "Marriage is the commitment to your partner alone. There's lots of love to go round outside this – you just need to have fun rather than takes things seriously."

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Sam says: "These questions, however annoying, force us to either forge a deeper conviction in our beliefs or consider how much we are still aligned with them. Daft questions or not, they help us to think about our relationship with ourselves and our relationship goals."

James says that he thinks life is about having fun. "Who cares! Life is short so it's a good idea to have as much fun as you can now as long as it doesn't hurt anyone."