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19 Things All Non-Kinky People Know To Be True

Forever stuck in a loop of sending sexts saying kinky things I'll never do IRL.

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Chances are you think you're pretty kinky. In fact, you're almost 100% sure of it.

FX

You approach things with an open mind and you have a "yeah I'd try that" attitude, right?

But in reality the kinkiest thing you've ever done is eat a stray crumb that's fallen into your cleavage.

E4

You send really wild sexts while chuckling to yourself like, "Yeah I'm kinky AF."

Comedy Central

But you never actually think you're gonna have to do what you said in those texts.

NBC

So there's that moment of panic when you actually see the person you've been sexting and have to decide whether to back up what you've been saying or tap the fuck out.

ABC

TBH any position that's not missionary is pretty kinky to you.

E4

It's only when you hear the names of some of the other positions, like the tominagi, that you're left confused AF.

The tominagi is basically a more complicated version of missionary.
Universal

The tominagi is basically a more complicated version of missionary.

You probably own a set of handcuffs that are stuffed in the back of your drawer.

These were probably a joke gift from a friend for your birthday that you've never used.
MTV

These were probably a joke gift from a friend for your birthday that you've never used.

And if you have used them, they only come out on special occasions when you're trying to spice things up and pull out all the stops.

New Line Cinema

You're down with some light bondage, but you don't know what exists beyond that line.

Like, handcuffs sure but wtf is a bondage hood?
Love Honey

Like, handcuffs sure but wtf is a bondage hood?

So the idea of being tied down with rope terrifies you a little bit.

ABC

There are a load of sex toys you've never even heard of before.

Love Honey / Via lovehoney.co.uk

And some toys that just scare the living crap out of you.

lovehoney.co.uk/product.cfm?p=28547
Comedy Central

You're always looking for inspiration, but reading Fifty Shades of Grey is as far as you've ever got.

Universal / BuzzFeed

You might like the idea of being kinky, but you're just not really down with the reality.

FX

For example, the thought of having sex somewhere you could be caught is kinda hot but it's just not practical.

Lifetime

TBH you don't even know what counts as "kinky" anymore.

Warner Bros

So when someone tells you a kinky story that's actually happened, you're a bit like whoa there wtf calm down.

MTV

And that's when you start to realise you're more vanilla than you thought you were and hey, you're OK with that.

Fox