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    Sep 22, 2015

    22 Honest Comebacks Retail Workers Wish They Could Use

    "You're lucky I can't swear right now."

    1. To the first customer of the day, who wants to create a whole heap of fuckery 30 seconds after the doors open:


    "You, Sir, need to reverse your way out of this store and return when you've adjusted that attitude."

    2. To the customer who's trying to sneak three items into the fitting rooms while saying they only have two:


    "You're making this way more difficult than it needs to be."

    3. To the customer who leaves the clothes on the floor in the fitting rooms:


    "Shall we wait for the magic retail elves to come and pick those up?"

    4. To the customer who's kicking up a mighty fuss because the store doesn't have their size in stock.


    "I would love to cater to your needs but right now, that is impossible."

    5. To the customers that pick up an item, decide they don't want it, and put it down in the complete wrong section:

    20th Television

    "See that blouse? I don't think it belongs with the jeans, do you?"

    6. To the customer that is letting their children play tag while they find a suitable outfit for the weekend:

    Logo TV

    "There's a park across the road, let them ruin somebody else's life."

    7. To the customer that has 743 questions about one jacket:


    "It's blue. That's about as far as my knowledge extends."

    8. To the customer that thinks everything in the store is overpriced:


    "Primark is a few streets away, go and bug them with your nonsense."

    9. To the customer who comments on how you're looking a little under the weather:


    "It's called not wanting to be here."

    10. To the customer that wants to tell you all the exciting things they're doing this weekend:


    "That's great. I'll be here."

    11. To the customer that will fight to the death over an out-of-date voucher:


    "Don't make me come out from behind this counter."

    12. To the customer using every ounce of loose change they have to pay £24.99:


    "Save us both the pain, pay £25, and add a penny to your loose change collection. Put it towards a holiday that's as far away from here as possible."

    13. To the customer that hands over a black credit card to pay:

    Endemol UK

    "Ah I see, you wanted me to know your credit limit is more than my annual salary. Fantastic."

    14. To the customers that think snatching the bag out of your hands is a perfect way to say, "Thank you for your service":


    "I have nothing to say to you that doesn't include a whole lot of swearing."

    15. To the customers that are nothing short of rude:

    20th Television

    "You're lucky I can't say what I'm thinking right now."

    16. To the customer that thinks it's OK to walk into the store 27 seconds before closing time:


    "I see that Jesus put you on this Earth to test me. It's working."

    17. To the customers that save all the fuckery until Sunday:

    Logo TV

    "Thank you for saving this for when I am dreadfully hungover. You are a star."

    18. To any customer during the Christmas period:


    "Ebenezer Scrooge must've worked in retail."

    19. To any customer during black Friday:

    20th Television

    "I would ask for order in the store but, frankly, you all scare me way too much. Continue fighting over the half price TV."

    20. To your best friend, that has come in on purpose to be the worst customer ever:


    "You're forgetting I know where you live."

    21. To your parents, that pretend to be customers when really they just want to see their little bundle of joy working like an adult:

    20th Television

    "Fgs Mum, leave. Wait, what's for dinner tonight? OK, now go."

    22. And to the customers that says they're never coming back again:


    "I am never coming back here again. Until Monday, because I'm on the open."

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