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There Are 12 Important Milestones For Gay Men

Top or bottom? It's important.

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1. Coming out.

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The first important milestone for a gay man is coming out. For some people it's simply a case of everybody already assuming you were a raging homosexual anyway, while others have a pretty tough time of it. But once you hit this milestone, you can continue along the path of rainbows and glitter.

3. Downloading Grindr.


Through either morbid curiosity or the urgent need for dick, you reach the next milestone of downloading Grindr. Here you are expected to navigate a labyrinthine mess of faceless profiles and unnecessary nudes. Still, it offers endless entertainment and that's what counts.

4. Deleting Grindr.


No sooner have you downloaded the app, you're likely to want to delete it. You'll complain about it for months and lament how romance is all but dead in the world while still using the app at every waking moment, but eventually you'll have had enough.


5. The top or bottom initiation.


At some point you inevitably come to a fork in the road; top or bottom. Of course, there is also the alternative versatile route which doesn't require you to commit to either choice and opens up many more (bedroom) doors.

6. Going to a gay bar.


Every gay man, at some point in his gay life, will visit a gay bar; it's just inevitable. Once you step through those doors, you've hit another milestone. Some people don't like them and can't stand "the scene" but they're also the ones you'll find slutdropping on the stage.

7. Becoming someone's ~gay best friend~.


You might be lucky enough to hit this milestone in the first few stages of your gay life with a girl who is actually your friend. If not it means that you're likely to be on a night out, minding your own business, when a drunk straight girl will come and throw herself on you and scream at the top of her lungs "OMG YOU'RE GAY WE CAN BE BEST FRIENDS AND WE CAN GO SHOPPING" while spitting her Smirnoff ice all over you. It's every bit as glamorous as it sounds.


9. Falling in love with a diva.


It is a stereotype but one that 90% of the time holds true. Whether it be Beyoncé or Britney, Madonna or Cher, most gay men have a diva idol that they adore. If you're going to have a soundtrack for your life, why not make it fabulous?

11. Having a family member ask whether you have a girlfriend yet even though they know you're gay.

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This milestone is constantly reoccurring and usually happens over the Christmas period, when you see those distant relatives you secretly don't like. Over Christmas pudding, with a glass of sherry in her hand, your great aunt Viv will shout down the table "HAVE YOU GOT A GIRLFRIEND YET, YOUNG MAN?" to which you will force a smile on your face and politely say no whilst secretly wishing this to be her last Christmas.

12. Falling in love with a man for the first time.


And the final milestone for every gay man? Falling in love for the first time. This happens at various different stages of a gay man's life. Some get it really early on while others are late bloomers to the intense feels. Either way, this is the milestone that lets you know most men are abhorrent wankers, which is good for when Mr Right comes and restores your faith in dick-wielders.