17 Grindr Stories You'll Have To Read Between Your Fingers
Accidentally sleeping with the person your mother lost her virginity to is...wow.
1. The bidder.
"I got a message from this guy asking if he could pick my nose for $20. I blocked him after he said he would give me $300 for a toenail."
2. The condom model.
"So I saw this extremely hot guy that was in my area. He said he worked out and was a model for a men’s clothing company. The 'clothing company' he worked for ended up being Trojan condoms."
3. The musical ejaculation.
"I met up with a random Grindr guy at his house. He had dolls in glass cases all over the house, including his bedroom. After leading me to the bedroom, he spent 30 minutes making a playlist for us to have sex to… The music was the best part of the sex. I ejaculated to 'MMMBop' by Hansen."
4. The mummy's boy.
"I chatted with a dude on Grindr for several weeks before meeting up. I really liked him, and we ended up getting a hotel room and sleeping together. We continued texting for a few days, when he told me he knew my mum. When I asked my mum if she knew him, she chuckled and said, 'Yeah, that’s who I lost my virginity to.'"
5. The medical emergency.
"There was the one time the guy was ill and we had to stop as he exclaimed that his appendix had burst."
6. The "famous" cousin.
"Me and this guy decided we wanted to meet and so I went to pick him up. He looked exactly like his pictures and was extremely attractive. When we got to the casino, he demanded a security escort because he was 'Justin Bieber's cousin' and was worried about paparazzi and guests bothering him. We walked around the hotel for 20 minutes with the guard escorting us until the manager told us to leave."
7. The work replacement.
"I met this nice guy. We go to dinner and have some good conversation. Things got a little steamy later but afterwards he sends me a text saying, 'Thanks! Now my wife can take the night off!'"
8. The creepy stalker.
"This guy messaged me, saying that I looked hot and he was glad I was his neighbour. I ignored it, so he started sending me pictures he'd taken of me in bars, saunas, and the gym. A few days later, he started sending me messgages like 'nice shirt today', 'good time on the treadmill today', 'loved the new restaurant you tried.' It got me so nervous that I deleted Grindr for good."
9. The generous third wheel.
"I went to the Avengers premiere with a guy, who took his ex along 'because he really wanted to see the movie'. To add insult to injury, I paid for all three tickets."
10. The nail biter.
"So this guy I met took me to a local pizza and beer joint. While waiting for our food, he was biting his nails. Five minutes later he grabs my hand and says, 'You have really pretty nails.' He then said, 'Do you mind if I chew on them?' When I said no, he thought I was getting 'spicy' and said, 'Oh so you wanna wait till we get home. I can even nibble on your toenails then.'"
11. The blackout.
"I had a bad case of man flu but my want of the D wasn’t going to stop me. So naturally, all dosed up on Night Nurse, I logged onto Grindr. Mixed with alcohol, I blacked out and when I came round I was at some guy's house in a Marvel Onesie being asked to leave. I didn’t see him again, but I have a great selfie with the Uber driver."
12. The secret boyfriend.
"He brought his boyfriend (I didn’t know he was in a relationship) along and told me to act like we were friends in front of him."
13. The charitable donation.
"I went on a date with a guy from Grindr, and he wanted something to eat for lunch so made me buy him something. He picked an incredibly expensive place, didn’t share any of it, and when the woman behind the counter asked if I wanted to make a charitable donation, he said yes for me."
14. The dirty pan.
"I was newly single and chatting with a guy. He offered to make me dinner at my place, so I invited him over. Considering the large amount of leftovers, I sent him home with my cake pan full of the mac 'n' cheese he'd made. A few days later, he texted me and said he got back with his ex and that he was planning to mail the pan but didn’t have enough money for postage until he got paid. I told him he could just set it outside my door in the night. Three months later, I came home to the pan wedged up next to my door, not even washed from the mac 'n' cheese."
15. The trip to hell.
"It was my first Grindr date. His profile said he was 19, but he turned out to be a married 45-year-old man. He told me to turn away from the 'bi life' because I'd go to hell if I didn’t."
16. The abrupt end.
"I chatted on Grindr with this guy for a while and things were going pretty well, so we exchanged phone numbers. A few days later he came over and we watched a movie, made out, and maybe a little more. I couldn’t believe how well we connected. A week later, we went on a second date and after a few hours he said, 'I have a boyfriend. I really like you but I think we should stop talking to each other.'"
17. The worst first date.
"We met for coffee and had several awkward silences at a somewhat crowded Starbucks. We ended up on our phones for the last 10 minutes. I was checking my fantasy football scores whilst he (unbeknownst to me) was posting a picture of me on his Instagram, captioned his 'worst first date'. I went to the bathroom and when I came back, he abruptly turned around and said, 'Are we going back to your place to fuck already?'"
Note: submissions have been edited for length and/or clarity.