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8 Sex Positions That'll Make You Wish It Was Christmas Every Day

Hoe, hoe, hoe.

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1. The Mistlehoe

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The mistletoe is used to get to first base. The mistlehoe is used to get to at least third. Grab the mistlehoe and hold it just above your crotch area and you'll definitely be getting a very merry Christmas. Singing "Christmas time, mistlehoe and wine" is completely optional.

2. Carol Swingers

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Christmas is a time for sharing good times with close friends, which is why carol swinging is ideal. You gather a group, big or small, and between bouts of fornicating you get the carol books out and start singing "Silent Night". It's definitely bringing "Joy To The World".

3. A Lay In A Manger

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Everybody knows the big JC was born in a manger but Mary and Joseph were pretty frigid and they didn't take full advantage of the barn and hay. So why not create your own nativity, beginning with the conception of Jesus? And when you reach the point of orgasm, you can scream "HO HO HO" to really kick off the festivities.

4. The Ebenezer Spooge

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Bah, cumbug! This is for the Scrooges out there that hate Christmas. The best thing to take your mind off things is to release the tension, so unload the spooge and who knows, you might actually end up liking Christmas after all.


5. The Stocking Filler

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As you get older your stocking gets smaller; socks don't really take up much space. So that's why as Christmas approaches you start filling other stockings with particular presents. Santa might not be real, but that doesn't mean you can't imitate him and empty your sack.

6. T&B aka The Tinsel and Baubles

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Basically S&M but with Christmas props. Tie each other up with tinsel and hang baubles from your nipples or ball sack for that extra festive edge. Then wham, bam, and thank you m'am. Santa hats are optional, but since it's Christmas why not go all out?

7. The Turkey Baster

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Remember that scene in American Pie, where Jim has some happy time with an apple pie? Well, the turkey baster is the same kind of thing. Maybe you're not having much luck in the sex department, or maybe you're having a holiday dry patch. So it's time to take things into your own hands. Just make sure you've let the turkey cool down, you don't want burns for Christmas.

8. The White Christmas

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We're not always promised a white Christmas, so it's time to take things into your own hands. Jack the weasel, stroke the salami, polish the doorknob; whatever you call it, get it going by unloading some Christmas joy on the big day so you’ll be certain to have a white Christmas.