Billie Eilish Revealed Why She Said "Please Don't Be Me" Before Winning Album Of The Year At The Grammys

    "How can you feel like you deserve that kind of thing?"

    What with 2020 being something of a dumpster fire, it's easy to forget that there was a time earlier this year when things were actually going OK!

    In fact, if you were Billie Eilish, you had one of the most incredible starts to the year, not least because you took home your first ever Grammy!

    Kevin Winter / Getty Images

    And your second ever Grammy!

    Kevin Winter / Getty Images

    And your third, fourth, and fifth...

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    Yep, at her first-ever Grammys appearance, Billie scooped five of the six awards she was nominated for, with her brother, Finneas, taking home an armful of awards too. Not so shabby!

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    The night was obviously a highlight in Billie's career, but at times it seemed like the 18-year-old was almost embarrassed for winning.

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    Billie was only the second person in history to sweep the big four awards in one night — Record of the Year, Song of the Year, Album of the Year, and Best New Artist — and also the youngest person to win Album of the Year since Taylor Swift a decade before.

    At one point, while accepting the award for Song of the Year, Billie even apologised during her acceptance speech, saying: "So many other songs deserved this. I'm sorry."

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    But one moment in particular went viral, showing Billie appearing to say "please don't be me" before winning Album of the Year in disbelief.

    “Please don’t be me. Please.” Billie Eilish being genuinely disgusted by her own success is one of the most hilarious things I’ve ever seen at a major awards show. #Grammys

    Once again, Billie appeared apologetic and humble during her acceptance speech, highlighting Ariana Grande as a worthy winner.

    "Can I just say that I think Ariana deserves this?" she said. "Thank U, Next got me through some shit, and I think it deserves more than anything in the world."

    A bunch of viral tweets theorised why Billie had reacted that way before winning, with some suggesting she might be concerned by the backlash from fans who thought she didn't deserve the success.

    the way y’all made this poor girl so afraid of the backlash she’ll get from her own success that she’s literally pleading that she won’t win i stg y’all forget she’s the around the same age as most of y’all on stan twitter if your posting any hate towards her your moms a ho https://t.co/MDMlOZc5YZ

    Billie touched on this herself, at one point saying to the other nominees: "I know your fans are hardcore and they're gonna fight for you guys and they love you and they're gonna talk shit about me for years 'cuz of this."

    But in a recent interview with Jimmy Fallon, Billie cleared up exactly what she was thinking at the time, revealing she was just "overwhelmed" by the occasion.

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    "I was very overwhelmed, but only in a way of, 'It’s so amazing, I can't believe it,' not like, 'I don't want to,'" she explained. "It's just, how can you feel like you deserve that kind of thing?"

    Billie went on to reveal that Alicia Keys, who could actually be be heard reassuring Billie on stage after she won yet again, called her the day after the Grammys and gave her some pretty great advice.

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    While picking up the award for Record of the Year, Alicia could be heard saying to a clearly shocked Billie: "Be in your excellence. Be in your greatness. It's all good. You deserve it. It's all good."

    Of the call, Billie said: "[Alicia] wanted to congratulate me and she basically said on the phone, which is something that I hold so dear to me — because, you know, she won a billion Grammys when she was really young — she called me and she was like, 'I just wanted to say don't be embarrassed for being dope.'"

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    Since her success at the Grammys, Billie's hardly shown any signs of slowing down, scoring the coveted role of singing the theme song for the upcoming instalment of the James Bond franchise.

    And lockdown hasn't stopped Billie and Finneas from being creative. Although they were meant to be in the midst of a world tour, the pair have instead used the time to write "a lot" of music.

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    "We have made the best of it, I would say," Billie said. "I think we've really done what we should've done in this time and we've made a lot of music. I don't think we would've made it otherwise, if we hadn't gotten this time."

    Of the songs they've written, Billie simply said: "I love them."

    You can watch their Billie and Finneas's interview with Jimmy Fallon right here.

    Ben Henry is a celebrity reporter for BuzzFeed UK and is based in London.

    Contact Ben Henry at ben.henry@buzzfeed.com.

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