1.
“SANDRA CAN YOU OPEN THIS FUCKING THING BIT OF A SITUATION HERE”
2.
When they hang up and your music finally starts playing again
3.
day 12 of no nut november: i am in full control of my senses and have learned how to levitate
4.
OK SO DID I DO SOMETHING TO OFFEND THE WEDDING PHOTOGRAPHER?
5.
Not really how I imagined the second coming
6.
Writer: "Is it 'firsthand' or 'first hand'?" Editor: "Either one is fine."
7.
Rihanna: Cause I may be bad, but I'm perfectly good at it 12 year old me: SEX IN THE AIR I DON’T CARE I LOVE THE S… https://t.co/ODR0nnIywJ
8.
Some baby on this plane is singing the ABCs all out of order and a guy just shouted "yes girl remix!!"
9.
Felt cute in this pic might delete soon tho
10.
Uber driver: ........... Me: .......... Uber driver: .......... Me: 5 stars.
11.
Me: *dies* People to my boyfriend: it's okay to get back out there, she'd want you to move on Me in heaven:
12.
Basically how I expect Beyoncé King to start
13.
my sister is about to have a baby and my brother showed up to the hospital in a suit because "first impressions mat… https://t.co/zWzJZPrWBs
14.
???? is my hamster on crack
15.
have u ever accidentally ignored someone for SO long that by the time u see the message again it would actually be rude of u to reply to it
16.
me: ew a roach roach: ew a fat bitch me:
17.
"Wow 3 tattoos.. those are pretty permanent you know" Me: wow 3 kids... those are pretty damn permanent CAROL
18.
Why the fuck has my 15 year old cousin just put this on his sc story 😭😭😭😂
19.
My favourite part of this is the caption saying the President (left)
20.
21.
Some dude just called me a pussy for putting on sunscreen. Imagine thinking you're tougher than the sun? The fucking sun?
22.
2017 in a nutshell
23.
24.
someone: *hurts me very bad* me: i don’t deserve this. i need to remove toxic people from my life them: hey sorry… https://t.co/dHB8HXKSKr
25.
me when i get 5 likes and 3 retweets
26.
him: babe what's wrong me: nothing also me:
27.
Would you snitch on your friends for 4 billion ? Me :
28.
Gaga : Let’s have some fun, this beat is sick, I wanna take a ride on your disco stick 8 year old me :
29.
Me after selling my liver for $150,000, kidney for $200,000, my lungs for $60,000, and my eggs for $10,000.
30.
Said “sorry for the wait” to customer today and she turned around and said “no you’re not”. you know what you’re right
31.
"I actually invented Lemonade so it should be free."
32.
the ol' razzle dazzle
33.
My friend's cat is out here trying to collect some insurance money.
34.
**When I'm bathing and a song i don't like starts playing. Me:
35.
Goodbye Mufasa. I'm the King now.
36.
when I need my space but I also want attention
37.
*opens instagram* yep, everyone's life is still better than mine *closes instagram* *opens twitter* ah yes. my fellow trash bretheren.
38.
me replying back to people .02 seconds after they text me
39.
When Canadians fight on Twitter.
40.
I think my Uber driver is in trouble
41.
Thanks for the clarification, Dad.
42.
is it worth IT? lemme work IT i put my thang down flip IT and reverse IT
43.
bob is dead
44.
Millennial: your generation got houses and jobs Boomer: yes but we lived with constant fear of nuclear winter Millennial: hold my avocado
45.
Lmao dude on Facebook said he been waiting 4 hours for the P to fall so he could sue Walmart
46.
Nailed it.
47.
Cashier: Sorry for your wait! We're short staffed Millennial: It's fine! Don't worry! 😁 Middle Aged Woman:
48.
[concert] SINGER: hows everyone doin tonight CROWD: woo ME (from the back in a normal speaking voice): it's actually been a tough few months
49.
Presumably good at helping people stay alive.
50.
