back to top

21 Things You'll Understand If A Penis Has Ever Made You Lose All Sense

Dickmatised = being hypnotised by the D.

Posted on

1. We've all been in that position where our romantic judgement has been clouded because we're hypnotised by the majesty of a beautiful dick.


Being dickmatised is a real fucking thing and it leaves you dumb as shit.

2. You always get dickmatised by a fuckboy for a start, so you know it's all going downhill from there.

Warner Bros

3. You start letting him get away with small things because hey, it's no biggie yet (unlike the D).

Warner Bros

4. In fact, you not only accept the fuckery, you start excusing it because his dick is that magical.


5. You sometimes even think these little fuck-ups are cute because all you're really thinking about is when he makes up for it in the sack.

Miramax Films

6. Then the fuckery starts to get a bit bolder and you're still not paying attention.


Instead you're telling the dick how beautiful it is.

7. You're too busy thinking about the dick like it's a clock pendulum.


Cock pendulum amirite?

8. You may as well nickname the dick Kaa because once you look it in the eye, your common sense starts packing a suitcase for time off you haven't authorised.


9. You tell all your friends how good the D is.

Comedy Central

10. In fact you probably show your friends the goods because you want them to know just how lucky you are.

TriStar Pictures

11. But being dickmatised makes it difficult to explain to your friends why you put up with his fuckboy ways.


They don't ~know~ how magical this dick actually is.

12. Then he starts the real bullshit, the fuckery that got you sitting there thinking, Wait hold up, no.

13. He starts getting this attitude like he thinks his dick gonna save him from being replaced.


14. You try to be mad but then you see the D again and you forget why you were mad in the first place.


Like seriously, put it away so I can be mad at you for a second.

15. Even when you break it off, you debate going back just because the dick.


16. Like, what if you never have one that good again, ever?


17. What if every dick from now on pales in comparison?

CBS / Via

18. Thinking these questions does sometimes make you go back.

Logo TV

You're only human after all. ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

19. But at some point the curse breaks, you're no longer dickmatised, and you transform into a flight attendant pointing out the nearest exits.


"Your exits are here, here, and here. Don't let the door hit you on your way out."

20. Your common sense finally returns to work.

20th Television

21. And you've learnt your lesson to never be dickmatised again.