5 Reasons Why Spring Is The Worst

Where's the cowbell, I've got hay fever

1. Allergies

Ever feel like you want to scratch your eyeballs out but are too busy sneezing? Perhaps you have taken up permanent residence in your house with the doors and windows sealed shut. If you’ve ever run away screaming from a rogue piece of pollen, you’ve got allergies my friend. Welcome to three months of hell.

2. Birds

Seriously, what are birds so happy about that early in the morning? Simmer down on the chirping, some of us don’t have to be awake yet. Assholes.

3. Blinding White Legs

Why yes, random woman at Trader Joes, it is sunny out today. Perhaps you would like to slather some self tanner on those gams before you step outside in short shorts? The very least you could do is offer everyone an eclipse box to look through so their corneas don’t burn like Eric Northman at dawn.

4. Rain

So. Much. Rain.

5. Spiders

How can there be so many spiders? It has to be difficult to reproduce with all those legs flailing about everywhere. The poor lady spiders must be gymnasts to get 8 legs up behind their heads. They deserve a medal…and an up close audience with the bottom of a flip flop.