back to top

98 Thoughts You’ll Have If You’re Slightly Obsessed With Horror Games

"That damp spot in the corner of my room does look a lot like a portal."

Posted on

1. Just gonna have a few hours game time.

2. *12 hours later*

3. Shit! wait - what’s the time?

4. It’s two thirty-eight. I swear I just started playing. OK, five minutes. Just five more minutes.

5. Sleep is so overrated anyway right!?

6. And playing in the dark is the ONLY way to play.

7. Unless I’m playing Alien Isolation. Never play Alien Isolation in the dark.

8. Who can sleep when there's monsters to kill and worlds to save!

9. OK, I look more tired than that zombie.

10. Must. Sleep. Now.

11. Oh hello imagination!

12. Remember the blood? The killing? Remember trying to escape the mirror room?

13. Remember sleep? Never sleeping again. Ever.

14. If somehow I do manage to sleep it’s because I’ve got the light on like a 4 year old child.

15. Or I’m spooning my pillow.

16. Because I really need something to hold in these uncertain times.

17. Good job I put that rolling pin under my bed. Just in case.

18. Under the duvet is my safe place.

19. It’s the fabric fortress impenetrable by evil.

20. Like the wardrobe the Gatherers somehow can’t get through.

21. Whats up with that anyway?

22. They can break down a metal door but they can’t work out that its pull not push on the wardrobe?!?

23. Maybe I should get in the wardrobe.

24. Oh what’s that I hear? A slight noise coming from another room.

25. It must be something coming to kill me.

26. *Frantically notes all possible escape routes.*

27. And things I could use as a weapon if something came in.

28. I mean, you could totally stab someone with a ballpoint pen.

29. Except ghosts. You can’t stab ghosts.

30. Unless you have the Sword Of Obedience.

31. Ghosts are so confusing.

32. Why are old people and children always the scariest?

33. Little girls are the source of all evil.

34. And why does children’s laughter seem so sinister?

35. I hope I’m not scared of my own children.

36. Out of all the monsters you come across though, humans are the actual worst.

37. I’m looking at you Wesker.

38. Wesker is such a dick.

39. He’s SO cool though! Those glasses!

40. I wonder If I would look good in a trench coat?

41. I often get this urge to forward roll into a room.

42. It’s always good to make an entrance.

43. I can’t stop staring at the wardrobe like something is going to jump out of it.

44. Because there’s always something in the wardrobe.

45. I’ve really come to know a lot about weapons and strange healing methods over the years.

46. This is probably due to meeting up with that weird guy in the rain mac on a regular basis.

47. He hasn’t got much in the way of people skills but he’s got some great stuff under that mac.

48. Stop asking me what I’m buying. I’m just browsing mate!

49. Mansions are sketchy AF.

50. Anyone who feels the need to live in a massive house far away from everyone is surely up to some shady business.

51. Nothing weird or scary ever comes out of a one bedroom flat.

52. Except a supernatural world accessed by holes in the wall harbouring an undead serial killer.

53. Shit, what if I’m the 21st victim?!?!

54. That damp in the corner of my room does look a lot like a portal.

55. In the event of a killer virus that turns humans into the walking dead I know exactly which is the best place to hold out and survive.

56. Supermarket or shopping centre is the best bet, just sayin’.

57. OR THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE. No civilisation means no zombies right?

58. Stay away from small villages though, they are the go to place for murderous Ganados.

59. When I think about it, I’m actually quite excited by the prospect of a zombie apocalypse.

60. This is what I’ve been training for!

61. Look who’s laughing now mum!

62. Please don’t let mum become a zombie.

63. Sometimes I forget that real life isn’t the game.

64. And imagine everyone might be a killer mutant thirsting for my blood.

65. I wonder what I’d look like if I were a bloodthirsty mutant?

66. Walking home alone in the dark is the absolute worst.

67. There’s literally no one around but it doesn’t stop me thinking someone might be following me.

68. The voice in my head is saying "Look behind you” just like the radio in P.T

69. And now I’m actually sprinting home.

70. Oh shit! A real person. play it cool. Play it cool bro.

71. But be wary, monsters can come in many forms.

72. Its fine, just two people walking past each other.

73. Do not make eye contact! Do not look back!

74. WTF IS THAT!?!

75. OMG…Oh it’s just a plastic bag.

76. Totally had that covered.

77. *Holding back tears*

78. I am a nervous wreck.

79. Just think about cute animals and love.

80. *Thinks about Rick Trager and his giant scissors*

81. “You made the right choice here buddy”


83. I’ve kind of come to the realisation that fear is my life now, and I’m pitiful shell of a human.

84. But when I think about it, I actually love being scared.

85. I think.

86. Not Silent Hill 2 at Nine years old scared though.

87. Why did I convince mum to get me that game?!?

88. As a mature adult I realise now that they are only games.

89. But I still leap off the sofa every time something jumps out on me.

90. Those fucking dogs in the hallway!

91. Every time! Every damn time.

92. Damn you developers and your jump scare tactics!

93. Oh and an empty room with lots of ammo and the music has stopped, how original!

94. Yeah, why am I still so scared?

95. I’m falling into a trap here aren’t I?

96. Oh yeah, there it is!

97. My head being sliced off by a chainsaw wielding maniac.

98. *Sigh*

Every. Tasty. Video. EVER. The new Tasty app is here!