1.
reading the hospital discharge paperwork for my newborn son and it says “marital status: unknown” he’s four days old hun I’m sure you could hazard a guess
2.
I will never get over the fact Nigella isn't pictured in any of the recipes on her website except for Slut's Spaghetti
3. tweets
Who needs therapy when u can just go big sainsburys
4.
5.
I think it might be me. https://t.co/Polij8JJr1
6.
My cousin is looking after two dogs and was boasting how easy it was and today came home to this and I can't stop laughing
7.
the year is 2010 and a woman in Coventry has just pushed a cat in a bin. literally everyone you know online is whipped into a frenzy about it; some call for the return of the death penalty. "That was odd", you think afterwards. Every day of the next decade is like this.
8.
We’re all waiting for it https://t.co/kL1NHYj224
9.
imagine being euston, just living every day knowing you’re the world’s shittest station. raze it to the ground.
10.
My girlfriends yoga teacher at the Buddhist centre complimented her on her “lovely bird t shirt” and she was wearing a top with the Twitter logo on it, imagine how good that woman’s life is
11.
Some freak messaged my mum on insta n she replies with this 😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂 I cant deal with her
12.
is this that timothee chalamet that you lot all fancy?
13.
I absolutely loved heading the ball as a kid and don’t think it’s done me any harm and I absolutely loved heading the ball as a kid https://t.co/YmhtIEN4TQ
14.
What’s it like living with anxiety:
15.
A Glasgow subway triptych
16.
A slice of apple pie is $1.40 in Jamaica, and $2.60 in the Bahamas. These are the pie rates of the Caribbean.