1.
After a late night Houseparty session with a friend, I fell asleep. Mid chat. My friend logged off. Today I’ve had messages from 3 individual mates saying they logged on to find me fast asleep on camera. Seems I can still embarrass myself without even leaving the house.
2.
this is how people over age 60 facetime
3.
no free clout
4.
5.
6.
My wife paid £50 for this bed for our indoor rabbit. And this is what it sleeps in every night....
7.
Why is the egg going "oooooooh" https://t.co/bG9bkdAgdd
8.
the new twilight book in edwards pov is gonna be like: chapter one: "OMG this bitch STINK." The End.
9.
at primary school someone i sat next to confessed to me via note that she had a big crush on Hercules from the 1997 animated film Hercules but ONLY when he dives into the Styx and becomes an old man. i felt sick about it for weeks. anyway i wonder if she’s doing well. this is him
10.
Another satisfied customer🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣
11.
yes normal people was good but where is the show for those of us who didn't bang our way through uni and instead streamed US tv shows illegally in the university library and drank five pints of guinness every night and farted ourselves to asleep alone
12.
2 types ae best pals
13.
Me every time I see a pretty building
14.
When this is over, I declare a war on cosy. I don’t want any house hang-outs, no sofas, no dinners, no “really nice bottle of red”s. I want to be in pubs and on streets. I want horrible pints. I want to trawl up and down the streets of soho offering people 10p to “borrow a fag”.
15.
Me leaving school after successfully lying about an appointment I never had
16.
Can’t even bear looking at them now x
17.
legends say that only a construction worker who is pure of heart may retrieve it
18.
BBC staff have just been sent a wellbeing survey and I'm fairly confident this wasn't meant to be one of the questions
19.
Nobody: Lloyds bank advert: https://t.co/L323z3T33R
20.
“If your friends ask you to meet, you must say maybe” https://t.co/WnEJgcaxuX
21.
Darci answered the door when I was in the bath and took in someone else’s pizza and chips 😂