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    31 Weird Things That Have Somehow Found Their Way Into Existence

    Against all odds, these things are here and ready for purchase.

    1. A pair of loafers that really rise to the occasion.

    2. A pair of instant undies because you never know when you're going to need them in an emergency.

    3. A reversible sequin pillow case that reveals Nic Cage's face when you pet it. If this isn't a national treasure, nothing is.

    4. A simply wonderful mousepad featuring Steve Buscemi or Owen Wilson that will make your desk 100000% better.

    5. A pack of rude gnomes to cause trouble in your houseplants.

    6. A divine clock that's both funny and helpful.

    7. A box of anus-shaped chocolate so you can finally tell your loved one that you care about them, no butts about it.

    8. Jizz the Game — a game everyone will be pumped to play.

    9. Justin Bieber dental floss that you better belieb is gonna keep your chompers feeling clean and fresh.

    10. A clock dedicated to a particularly awkward scene in The Office. Now every time can be brocc-o-clock.

    11. A pack of Joe's Exotic condoms that you don't even have to travel to Oklahoma to buy.

    12. A corgi butt bottle opener that is uhmmmmm cute? Look, there is dog caboose merch everywhere these days, so this feels inevitable.

    13. A variety pack of soda for anyone who just really needs to know what buffalo wing-flavored pop tastes like.

    14. A pair of Stressticles that you can squeeze with reckless abandon when you're feeling testes.

    15. A loooooong furby body pillow cover ready to take its place as number one waifu.

    16. Or a Beetlejuice sandworm sticker with a lil' Furby in its mouth that just wants to say hello. Love a good '90s crossover.

    17. A pack of black toilet paper rolls in case all your bathroom trips need to be as goth as you are.

    18. A Darth Vader pool float with outstretched arms ready to give you a hug. That's something we all need right now, even if it's from a Sith Lord.

    19. A deodorant that smells like freshly minted money so you can feel like a million bucks every day.

    20. A pack of dick-shaped lipsticks that'll make you look so good, you might get cocky.

    21. An inflatable foot bath you can fill with heel-saving goo that'll feel oh-so relaxing.

    22. A set of human face stress balls with wretchedly twisted faces sure to turn your frown upside-down (or some other weird direction).

    23. Keanu Reeve's heavenly visage printed on a fleece blanket you'll certainly want to cuddle up with.

    24. A non-medical face mask that has it all: neon colors and tigers and cowboy hats... oh my!

    25. A left-handed candle for my fellow southpaws who would like something that's finally designed with the left hand in mind. BRB, gotta wash ink off my hand.

    26. A wooden spoon with Nic Cage's face adorned on the bottom so you can get started on a bread recipe while rewatching Moonstruck. They say bread is life!

    27. A non-medical mask featuring Cuomo's judgmental stare. If this doesn't shame your neighbors into also wearing a mask, then nothing will.

    28. An oil painting print of Frank in his Ongo Gablogian disguise.

    29. A potato pal that's be a great personalized gifts to send to all your spuddies.

    30. A pair of horizontal reading glasses so you can read or watch TV without going through the ridiculous effort of lifting your head.

    31. And a sexy (?) googly-eyed thong for turning your junk into a trunk.

    Looking for the perfect gift for any occasion? Check out all of BuzzFeed’s gift guides!

    Looking for more great Amazon finds? Check out some of our favorite cheap things to buy on Amazon, some of the weirdest things on Amazon you might actually want, or read through all the rest of our incredible Amazon product recommendations.