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1. A sticker that tells people — in no uncertain terms — where to go. Away!!!!
Get it from SweetAndSassySticker on Etsy for $3.99.
2. A "boyfriend" body pillow you can snuggle up with without worrying about pillow talk.
Promising review: "This is a great pillow! Boyfriend left me for his ex and I needed something to cuddle with while binge-watching True Blood and Game of Thrones. Kind of wish it had separated fingers so we could hold hands but the lack of a mouth to tell me a bunch of lies kind of evens that out. Highly recommend!" —rebekah bolton
Get it from Amazon for $34.99 (available in seven shirt colors).
3. A baseball cap that will act as your personal bodyguard.
Get it from Amazon for $17.98 (available in 14 colors).
4. An anti-social butterfly pin so you can really spread your wings — and fly the heck away.
Get it from PinAlchemy on Etsy for $7.50.
5. A pair of noise-cancelling headphones so you can tune out everyone and everything. Oh sorry, Bridget, I would love to hear about your new keto diet but I am simply unable.
They have up to eight hours of battery life and have an optional wired headphone experience. Oh and hey, they have over 1,000 five-star reviews on Amazon.
Promising review: "These are working great. I bought them so I could listen to YouTube instructional videos and not bother the people around me. They work so well, sometime I can't hear my wife when she asks a question and I have to take them off. She can't hear them when they are playing either. They really block out most outside noises very well. On most videos, I have to turn the volume down or it is too loud. I can't say much for music, as I don't listen to that with these. I only use it for those tutorials on YouTube and it is great. The only drawback I can think of is due to my having larger ears, they do get a little uncomfortable after extended periods of wear." —Gerald Pierce
Get them from Amazon for $24.99+ (available in two colors).
6. A party banner that says "welcome, but please do not linger."
Get it from Amazon for $8.99.
7. An organ transplant lunch bag sure to keep anyone from asking to join you at lunch.
Get it from Amazon for $13.22.
8. An unofficial Harry Potter insult handbook filled with comebacks snappy enough to even make a Slytherin flinch.
9. A Bob's Burgers doormat that might just insult guests enough to make them turn around and go.
Get it from ArtUncorkedDowntown on Etsy for $30+ (available in two sizes).
10. A pillow and pillow case stating the honest to dog truth.
Get it from Society6 for $23.99+ (available in two syles and four sizes).
11. A letter board that does the talking for you. BRB I'm going to assemble the message: "talking? no thank you!!!!!"
Get it from Amazon for $9.99+ (available in four sizes and 27 colors).
12. A pair of silicone ear plugs to block out all the chatter buzzing around you.
These are reusable they'll save you money from buying the disposable kind and they're designed to be super comfortable in your ears. They even come with a travel case and pouch.
Promising review: "These are amazing — so comfortable and easy to insert. They completely seal off your ears. I got them for my son. He suffers from insomnia. He's overtired, and cranky. He complains if I try to have a phone conversation or watch TV quietly in another room with closed doors between us. Not today! I've been talking on the phone with him sleeping like a rock in the next room — no more complaints! Since it came with two pairs, I kept one for myself. I slept so soundly! Everyone is happy and well rested. I highly recommend them and I never want to be without them again." —Nikki A.
Get a set of two from Amazon for $9.95.
13. A tiny violin you can ironically play until whoever is venting to you gets the idea and lays off.
You can't actually play it, but they'll get it.
Get it from Amazon for $10.99.
14. A cozy sweatshirt featuring Edgar Allen Poe that lets everyone know you'd rather be alone, yelling at a raven.
Promising review: "Love it. I already have gotten compliments on the sweatshirt. Good quality material, good graphics. Would recommend to anyone." —Virginia Z.
Get it from Amazon for $21.60 (available in sizes S–XL).
15. A helpful delivery sign sure to help you avoid answering the door at least a few times.
The placard can say things like "please leave parcels in porch," "please shut the gate," and "no cold callers." Just one more thing you don't have to say to someone!
Get it from Amazon for $17.99 (available in 20 messages).
16. A do not disturb hanging sign that doubles as a bottle opener. Gotta love a multi-tasking product that helps you live your best solitary life.
Get it from Amazon for $2.97.
17. A tent-like canopy ideal for dorm-dwellers who would like to at least pretend they scored a single bedroom.
Promising review: "I decided to purchase this item for my dorm to provide a little extra privacy and was worried it wouldn’t fit the XL Twin bed that most universities provide (5 inches longer than typical twin bed). YES THIS DOES FIT AN XL TWIN. So far, it has been very cozy and great for when I need to stay up late without bothering my roommate. They also sent a string of battery-powered lights with clips that make it very cute. I use them in place of a lamp when I am trying to finish up assignments after work and my roommate is sleeping.
Great investment for college students!" —Savannah
Get it from Amazon for $85.90+ (available in two sizes and five colors).
18. Kinda rude sponges that'll tell people to clean their dishes so you don't have to.
It comes with a frame to show 'em off.
Get a pack of four from Amazon for $14.99.
19. A dishwasher magnet so you always know whether the dishes are clean or dirty. No more frantic group chats with all your roommates to get to the bottom of the Daily Mystery.
Promising review: "This holds really well to the door of the dishwasher and I couldn't be more pleased with it. It's very simple and no-frills, but it does the job and didn't cost a lot. It makes our lives much easier not having to worry if the dishes are clean, and it saves water that way!" —brooke
Get it from Amazon for $4.83.
20. A creepy BuzzFeed Good Advice Cupcake tee that will hopefully take care of any would-be chatterboxes.
Get it from Hot Topic for $16.03+ (available in sizes S–3XL).
21. A handy notepad formatted to help you get through all your frustrations without ever having to utter a word.
Promising review: "I stuck this in my glove box and have only used it a couple of times when someone really had no clue how to park their car. It gets the point across and you only need to check a couple of boxes. No more searching for a used candy wrapper or Starbucks sleeve to leave a note on the car of a serious offender."
Get it from Amazon for $5.30 (available in 24 styles).
22. A keychain that tells it like it is: I am only interested in food babies at this time, thank you.
Get it from MeriwetherOfMontana on Etsy for $9.95.
23. Winc — a subscription service that mails bottles of tasty wine right to your doorstep. Why talk to anyone at a bar or liquor store when you...don't have to?
If you order four or more wine bottles a month, you get free shipping.
Get it from Winc for $13+/a bottle.
For more info, check out "This Wine Subscription Service Will Change Your Life".
24. And a bathtub wine cupholder so you can take your glass of vino into the bathroom with you and lock the door.
Promising review: "I bought this for my friend for her birthday and she LOVES it! It provides a good seal and she loves drinking in her tub and pool. It made a great gift along with some nice wine and beer. She actually told me she could another for her husband they love it so much, and their friends are asking her where she got it. It's a great gift and I would definitely buy it again and recommend it!" —Maria
Get it from Amazon for $13.95 (available in six colors).
25. A pair of sassy socks that offers up a scathing one-liner to anyone who dares get close enough to read them.
Promising review: "I love these! They're made of soft cotton and don't itch!" —MissAlison
Get them from Amazon for $11.65.
The forever mood:
Reviews have been edited for length and/or clarity.
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