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1. A Godzilla lawn ornament for people who don't trust gnomes.
2. Beer can-doms so you can practice safe drinking.
3. A calendar filled with pooping dogs to ironically make 2019 feel less crappy.
4. A Nic Cage sequin pillowcase you can flip to red when you want the Face/Off.
5. An unnerving bikini that's one in a minion.
6. A pair of Guy Fieri earrings ready to take your ears to flavortown.
7. A Star Wars book of battle stages for your biggest thumb war throw downs.
8. A simply ~splashing~ shower curtain featuring Nigel and his...Thornberrys.
9. Or a transparent shower curtain with pockets so you can keep up with your ~soaps~.
10. An elephant G-string for anyone with a lot of junk in the trunk.
11. A pimple popper simulation so you don't have to wreck your face with your popping impulses.
12. A set of brain slice coasters for doctors, nurses, scientists, and...serial killers?
13. A poke-able corgi butt mousepad if you're into that kind of thing.
14. Or one featuring a cat riding a unicorn over a rainbow, because sure why not?
15. A ducking funny pair of boxers that will quack you up.
16. A raygun nose trimmer, because it's 2019 and time to start living in the future.
17. A slimy Gudetama so soothing to play with, you might become more relaxed than the famously lazy egg.
18. A book of dark and disturbing stock photos to flip through when you want to get really bummed out.
19. A pack of stretchy chicken shooters you can slingshot at your desk neighbors when they're henpecking you.
20. A coloring book featuring cat butts or farting animals that'll be a ~gas~ to color in.
21. A pack of push pins so you can hang up all your buzz-worthy photos.
22. A phone case of Ross Gellar for people who are FINE.
23. A snowman building kit you can mold into whatever deranged shape you want.
24. A custom voodoo doll to help you get revenge remotely, the old-fashioned way.
25. A reverse merperson enamel pin for a cheeky new look.
26. And a bottle-sized glass of wine, so you don't have to worry about refilling all the dang time.
Me showing off all my weird stuff:
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