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1. A heart-shaped pin explaining all of your interests in the words of April Ludgate.
2. A skull spoon that's representative of how you feel about mornings.
3. A pack of abusive balloons for when you don't feel like celebrating another year closer to death.
4. A welcome mat that actually does the exact opposite of its name.
5. A sparkly keychain looking to swap places with Ariel in The Little Mermaid.
6. An oven mitt that understands the joy that comes with wielding a sharp blade.
7. A festive garland laying down some ground rules for your party.
8. A firm but fair tee that lets Grumpy Cat say "NO!" for you.
9. And a Grumpy Cat notebook for all your thoughts that are too mean to say out loud.
10. A colorful sticker inspired by all the times you texted someone to duck off.
11. A pair of sound-canceling headphones you can count on as a reasonable excuse as to why you never chime in on the conversation at work.
12. A succulent enamel pin that tells it like it is.
13. A dick mug because you're always saying that's what the coffee tastes like.
14. A set of bad parking notes that will save so much time in the parking lot each morning.
15. A table flip emoticon pin to wear on those days you're just about ready to, well, flip a table.
16. A sleep mask with a phrase printed on the front that just might be abrasive enough to earn you some alone time.
17. A bowling shirt that tells 'em to beat it for you.
18. A pair of socks to wear on days you truly can't even.
19. A plush toy dedicated to the OG (Original Grouch).
20. A "Do Not Disturb" sign that doubles as a bottle opener so you can take care of all your troubles in one fell swoop (swig?).
21. Perpetual Disappointments Diary — a guided journal you can vent to about all of life's little injustices.
22. A seemingly friendly mug to take huge swigs from whenever someone gets on your nerve.
24. Caffeinated chocolate to soothe your 4 p.m. crankiness.
25. And a teddy bear you can give to your favorite jerk, because deep down, you know it'll make them feel warm and ~fuzzy~.
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